


accidentally parents

by tumemxnques



Category: The 1975 (Band)
Genre: Babysitting, Eventual Sex, Gay Parents, Identity Issues, M/M, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24439087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumemxnques/pseuds/tumemxnques
Summary: when there's a baby on their doorstep, matty and george are faced with the biggest challenge in their lives: parenting.
Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy
Comments: 21
Kudos: 62





	1. and this is how it starts

**Author's Note:**

> hey, back with another fic!  
> don't ask me, the idea just popped up in my head one night and now i can finally write a matty x george story that isn't sad af. I don't know how regularly I can update, but we'll see.

Matty was about to go to bed, a throw blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders, when their doorbell rung. He flinched and raised an eyebrow, turning around to the kitchen where George's head shot up. 

"Don't open that," he said with a glance at the white clock on the wall. He was right, it was pretty late. 

"It could be a-" Matty started but George cut him off. "Don't." Matty looked at the door again. "What if someone needs our help?" He gave George a pleading look, who took a pan from the sink and nodded. "Alright move. Stay behind me." 

Matty had to suppress a giggle. George was being a bit over dramatic, but after all, it was just to keep Matty safe. George unlocked the door and opened it with a soft click, not seeing anything as he looked into the hallway. Matty ducked and looked around him. That's when he saw what had been left behind. 

"George," he breathed. "It's a baby." George looked down as well and gasped. "A-" 

Both their heads shot up when they heard a noise from the stairwell. George was the first to react. He dropped the pan and ran to the railing, looking down. When he spotted a feminine figure, he screamed. "Stop!" He began running down the stairs, whilst Matty tried to take a better look at the baby. 

It was lying in a little willow basket, a blanket wrapped around it. One could only see its nose and tightly shut eyes, because it was wearing a small baby's bonnet. 

He smiled and picked it up, out of the basket. He was scared he would do something wrong and hurt the baby, but found it came to him naturally. It was like an instinct. He smiled even brighter when he held it securely in his arms. 

"Hi," he whispered and softly swayed back and forth. He pulled the blanket down a little to get a better look at the small face and gasped softly when he looked at the precious baby in his arms. 

"Oh, sweetheart," he breathed and went inside, never taking his eyes off the little human. He was entirely enchanted and sat down on the couch to lean back and press the baby against his chest. 

The baby whined softly and moved its little hands, as tears came to Matty's eyes. This was all he had ever wanted, a home, a husband, a baby. Although George was just his best friend, it still felt perfect. 

"Hi, little one," he mumbled under his breath and very gently nudged its nose with his index finger. He had no idea how old the baby was, but judging by its size, it couldn't be more than a week old for all he knew. 

With a huff, George came into the living room, holding the basket in one hand and the pan in the other. "Matty," he said and put the pan away. "Give it back." 

Matty looked up at him and frowned. "What?" George sighed. "We need to find the mum." The baby smacked its tiny lips quietly. "You didn't catch her?" 

George sighed again. "No. But… she left a note. She wrote we should take care of the baby until she comes back for it. She says she has things to sort out… but we can't, Matty. I'm pretty sure that's illegal. It's like kidnapping that child. Also, we don't even know her!" 

Matty raised his eyebrows. "So, what do you suggest? Giving it away? She won't be able to find it anymore when she comes back and it'll be our fault!" 

George snorted and let the basket fall. "It won't! She gave it away in the first place! We didn't ask for a baby, did we?" 

Matty gritted his teeth. "Of course we didn't. But she trusted us with her kid now the least we can do is babysit it for a while." 

George laughed. "What if she never comes back? Then we have a child that isn't ours, no papers, nothing. Matty, think about it. We can't keep the baby!" 

Matty whimpered lowly in his throat, subconsciously pressing it closer to his chest. "I'm not passing the baby on to authorities. They will put it into foster care and nobody will ever see it again." 

"Matty!" Matty flinched when George yelled at him. He never raised his voice at him. "We can't take care of a child! We're just two guys with bad habits like drinking and smoking, a cramped little flat and no cooking skills. It's better off somewhere else! Anywhere is better than with us!" 

The last sentence was too much. The baby woke up and started crying noisily. Matty was startled and tried to rock it in his arms, shushing it, mumbling calming nonsense. 

It was just when George stepped up behind them, put his arms around Matty and cupped the baby's head softly with his large hand, quietly talking to it, when it calmed down. 

Matty looked up at George with tears in his eyes. "Please?" 

George sighed. The way Matty looked with the small baby cradled in his arms, his disheveled curls, the flower print skirt and the oversized sweater, his big, dark eyes looking up at him, George's knees felt like jelly. He sighed in defeat. 

"I'll give her two weeks. Not a day longer. And this baby needs to be a secret, do you understand?" 


	2. a helping hand

"Okay so…," George started and sighed. "I think the baby needs some things, Matty. I give you about half an hour until it's hungry and screams the whole building to hell."

Matty raised an eyebrow. "So, what do you wanna do? It's not like we know how to take care of a baby." George bit his lip. "I don't know. But it needs milk. Formula, you know? And diapers, god, diapers."

Matty nodded. "Can you go down to the 24 hour store? I could call my mum?" George raised an eyebrow. "Secret, remember?"

Matty sighed. "What if it doesn't have to be? We could tell people who are asking that we take care of it for a friend who left for work to another country or some shit." 

"Matty. Such a small baby?" Matty shrugged. "Better than nothing. We need to go outside with it, George. Babies need fresh air and some sunlight." George bit his lip. Matty was right. "We have the balcony, though?" he started one last ridiculous attempt.

But Matty just tilted his head and George knew he was right. They needed a little help here and Denise could keep that secret, he was sure. "Okay."

Matty beamed. "Just try to get the stuff for the youngest age you can find, yeah?" George nodded and got up from the sofa with a groan. "I'll be back." Matty nodded and waved him goodbye, the baby securely tucked into the crook of his other arm.

When George closed the door behind him, he swallowed hard. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table and dialed his mum's number. She picked up after the fifth ring and sounded incredibly disorientated. "Matty?"

Matty let out a shaky breath. "Hi mum." Judging from the sounds Matty could hear through his phone, Denise sat up in her bed. "Matty, are you okay? Do you know what time it is?" Matty bit his lip. He knew it was late, but he needed the advice now. A baby wasn't something you could turn off and put in the corner for the night. "I'm fine mum but I need your help." 

"How does that…? Matty, what is going on?" Matty looked at the sleeping baby in his arms. "I need some baby advice." Denise gasped. "Matthew! Did you get a girl pregnant? I swear to god I thought I had raised you right-" 

"No, mum," Matty was quick to interrupt her. "George and I have to babysit for a friend who had to leave for work. She works in New Zealand for a while." _New Zealand?_ he thought to himself, but went along with it.

"You and George? Couldn't she find someone more qualified?" Matty snorted. "Thanks very much, mum. But no, she couldn't. She only has us. And now we have a baby here who is a few weeks old and I need to know what to do with it."

Denise sighed. "She left without giving you anything but the baby?" Matty looked at the little bundle in his arms again. "Yes. I feel so helpless," he whispered and felt tears come to his eyes. "What if I fuck it up? What if I can't do this?"

Hot tears ran down his cheeks and he sniffed. The baby realized he wasn't doing too well and started whining in his arms. "Shhh," Matty made and tried to stop crying. "I'm okay, it's okay. Hey, shh." He rocked it in his arms and smiled down at it when it calmed down again.

Denise chuckled quietly at the other end of the line. "Good job, Matty." Matty smiled and wiped the tears away. "You need a bed for the baby, Matty," Denise said and Matty nodded. "A baby carriage of course, you need to go for walks with the baby, every day, you hear me? Then a baby seat for the car, get a good one, it's important. Diapers, baby powder, baby wipes, formula. For everything else, I can visit you tomorrow, if you'd like? I'll help you."

Matty sighed in relief. "I'd be forever grateful, mum." Denise laughed. "Alright. I'll be there at two." Matty nodded."I'll text George to get the other stuff, he's already at the 24 hour store, you know?" 

"Yeah. Sleep well, Matty. And keep your head up. You'll make a great dad for the time being, okay? You and George, you're a team. You can do it." Matty nodded. "Yeah. Thanks mum, sleep well. See you tomorrow!" 

"Bye!" his mum said and hung up. He texted George and then put the phone away, pressing a soft kiss to the baby's forehead. "I love you," he whispered, although he knew it was wrong. He shouldn't get attached to the baby, for it would break his heart when he would have to say goodbye. 


	3. rainy night

George frowned when he entered the 24 hour shop. He hated it here, and he knew why. No sane person would need a 24 hour shop, ever. Weird people stared at him from every dark corner and he picked up the pace.

He quickly got some small diapers and the most expensive formula they had, a little bottle with turtles on it along with it, before his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out clumsily, just to see that Matty had texted him. ' _Baby wipes and powder pls_ '. George sighed and turned around again to go back to the baby aisle and get the stuff Matty had requested.

When he paid for the items, the cashier looked up at him inquiringly. "Emergency?" George shrugged with a grimace on his face. "Yeah, something like that." She gave him a smile when he handed her the cash, before he hurried home again. He hated 24 hour shops. He hated them.

At the door, he struggled to open it with his full hands, but it eventually gave in and he tumbled inside. He closed the door with his foot and put the things on the kitchen isle.

"Alright, Matty, there you go. It's late, some formula and a new diaper for the little nugget and then it's bed time for the both of you." Matty looked at him from the couch and brought the baby over to George. "You wanna hold it?" George stared at the little human in horror. He wasn't ready to hold a baby yet. "God no, please no." 

"Come on, George-"

"No, I don't want that I-" Matty pushed the bundle into George's arms who stiffened momentarily. But when he felt the warmth coming from the baby, he relaxed. "Wow," he whispered and Matty came over to lean on him and look at their baby. _The baby_ , he mentally scolded himself. "A little miracle, isn't it?"

George nodded and they both stared at the baby in George's arms for a moment before he cleared his throat. "How do we know the baby's hungry?" Matty shrugged. "Doesn't it suck on your pinky if it is?" George shrugged back. "I don't know, worth a try. Go wash your hands please then try it out."

Matty did as told and when he came back to try, the baby actually suckled lazily on his finger. "Yeah," he said as he wiped it on his shirt. "I guess a bit hungry." George nodded and gave it to Matty again to prepare the formula.

He would've thought it would be harder, but it was quite easy. "When you can hold it against your inner wrist and it doesn't hurt, you can feed it." George nodded and they both sat at the table, looking at the baby, waiting.

"What if she doesn't come back?" Matty whispered quietly, grimacing sadly down at the baby in his arms. "Matty," George mumbled, "don't think about that. We'll take one day at a time, okay?" Matty nodded weakly.

George tested the warmth of the bottle again. It was cold enough, so he held it out to Matty. "Here you go, you can feed it now." Matty sighed. "Can you do it, please? I don't feel strong enough anymore." George nodded and got up to take the baby out of Matty's arms. He held the bottle to the baby's mouth, and it immediately started to drink. George watched it with bright eyes. "You're doing great," Matty whispered, his elbows on the table, looking at them. "Thanks," George whispered back and smiled.

The baby didn't drink much before it stopped. "Is it done?" George asked with an eyebrow raised. "I mean it's still small," Matty answered. "I guess it'll wake us a few times tonight." George grunted and got up. "Diaper next." Matty giggled quietly. "I'm horrified, mate."

George just snorted and kept walking to their bedroom. "Shut up and get some towels, then I'll do it." Matty squeaked and ran to the bathroom, whilst George softly hummed to the baby in his arms. It was cute, no doubt. "There you go," Matty sighed and put the towels on the bed.

He reached over to the door where the diapers were standing and gave one to George, who positioned the baby in the middle of the towels. "Yeah how about wipes first, idiot?" he snickered and Matty blushed. "Fuck yeah, wait." He tossed him the wipes and George opened the diaper. Thankfully, there wasn't much in there. "

No poop?" Matty asked, terrified, from the door, covering his nose. "No poop, Matty," George answered and rolled his eyes. "Stop acting like a weirdo. It's just a baby." Matty gagged dramatically. "How are you so chill about all this? Changing diapers sounds like hell."

George snorted. "Well, pulled you out of your vomit more times than I can count, this is nothing." He pointed at the baby, but Matty went pale. George slapped himself mentally. Not the time to bring up Matty's drug addictions in the past.

"That was inappropriate, I'm sorry, babe. Come here." Matty bit his lip and kneeled next to George who pressed a kiss to his temple. "Give me the powder?" he asked and reached for the little bottle clutched in Matty's hand. Matty passed it to him and he tried to figure out how to use it.

"She's gonna have a hard time with two stupid men in her household," Matty mumbled and George snorted. "Yeah, well, then we'll have to work on being better, I guess." Deep down he was glad it was a little baby girl, he'd always wished for one, even if this was a very uncommon way to have a baby.

He closed the diaper and looked at its crumbled form as he picked the tired baby up. "It'll do," he just stated dryly and nodded towards the towels on the bed. "You go get ready for bed, take the towels with you, yes?"

Matty nodded and left for the bathroom, whilst George wandered through the flat, cradling the small girl in his arms. He hummed softly to her, hoping to have her falling asleep soon. He looked out of the window into the night, as it started to rain. "You're stuck with us now, huh?" he mumbled to the baby in his arms and grinned as its face formed something like a smile. "But it's alright, we'll take care of you."

When he heard soft footsteps on the wooden floor, he turned around to see Matty smiling tiredly at them. He was wearing one of George's huge shirts and George felt a certain warmth blooming in his chest. "Are you coming to bed?" he asked them quietly and George nodded. "Yeah."

They went to the bedroom together and Matty immediately slipped under the covers. George put the baby next to him and stripped down to his underwear, before he joined them in bed. Matty had his head propped up on one hand, softly stroking the baby's belly.

"She's so cute," he whispered and George nodded, turning to lie on his side as well. He softly cupped Matty's cheek. "You'll be a good dad, I can tell." His friend blushed. "You too." George turned off the lights and left the moon illuminating the room lightly. Matty sighed softly as he curled protectively around the baby and closed his eyes. George stared at the ceiling as Matty's breathing evened out.

"We need a name," George suddenly blurted out and Matty whined under his breath. "Amaya," he mumbled softly and George looked at him in the moonlight. "What?" Matty smiled. "Don't you hear the rain?" George frowned. "What does that have to do with-" 

"Amaya means rainy night. It fits, doesn't it? She came to us on a rainy night." George smiled. Matty was such a poet. "I like it," he whispered and scooted closer towards them, taking Matty's hand in his. "Our little Amaya."


	4. early mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for updating so rarely, but school started again and it's kicking my but tbh

The next morning, George yawned as he opened his eyes and stretched out his arms.

He was tired after Amaya had woken them up five times that night. He looked over at Matty, who was curled up around the little girl and smiled. After all these years, he finally felt complete.

He'd been loving Matty for ages but had never acted on it, and seeing him with the baby now made it feel like this was what he wanted forever.

A huge smile spread over his face when he lied down again and let his eyes wander over the scene in front of him. Matty and Amaya were both breathing deeply, their faces relaxed.

He knew it would be for the better if Amaya's mother would pick her up again soon, but caught himself wishing she wouldn't.

He smiled fondly at the child before he pushed a soft curl out of Matty's face. His smile widened when Matty's eyelids started to flutter and he opened his eyes eventually.

"Hey," he said in his low morning voice and George bit his lip. Before he could think he leaned in and softly kissed Matty on the lips, their hands meeting on Amaya's tiny belly. When he pulled away again after what felt like an eternity, Matty didn't say anything, he just looked at him in slight confusion.

"Sorry," George then said. He had probably made Matty uncomfortable. Matty just shook his head. "Can you make pancakes for breakfast, please?" he changed the subject and George nodded, glad to get out of the awkward situation. "Sure. I'll meet the two of you downstairs."

He slipped out of bed and put some sweatpants on, before he made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed his phone from where he'd left it on the kitchen counter last night and texted Ross. _I fucked up_.

He put it aside and collected the ingredients for the batter from all around the kitchen. His phone made a sound and he looked at the screen. A message had popped up on his lockscreen - Matty in a skirt, laughing - and it was an answer from Ross: _What did you do???_

George put the whisk away and typed: _Kissed Matty. Help._ He put a part of the batter into the pan and stared at his phone. _Wtf? Finally_ , came the answer, but George didn't think it was a good thing.

 _He didn't react very well_ , he sent back, but as he flipped the pancake, he thought about what could have happened, because Matty's reaction could've been so much worse.

He decided to just not talk about it anymore and not do it again. As he put the last pancake on a plate, he heard his phone receiving a notification again. _I'm so sorry, mate,_ Ross had sent and George just sighed, placing the plate in the middle of the table.

A moment later, Matty came down the stairs with Amaya in his arms. "I think she's hungry," he said and grimaced. Amaya made small disgruntled noises and George nodded. "I'll prepare something, you sit down and eat some pancakes before they turn cold."

He started to boil the water and Matty tried the pancakes. "Hmmm", he sighed contentedly. "So good." George smiled to himself.

When the formula was ready, Matty was already on his third pancake and Amaya got more and more unhappy with every second. "Come here, little nugget," George said and took Amaya out of Matty's arms to feed her. He sat down again and the baby hungrily began to drink.

"Someone's hungry," Matty pointed out and George snorted. "Says the guy who already ate three pancakes in the matter of mere minutes." Matty giggled behind his hand. "You're right," he mumbled.

Then, he put his fork next to his plate noisily and bit his lip, looking for the right words. "Look, about earlier-," he started, but George cut him off.

"Don't. It's okay, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." But Matty shook his head. "No, see, that's what I don't want to happen. You don't have to feel bad, we all get overwhelmed by our emotions sometimes. This is new for us and it's a really domestic situation… why read so much into it? It's fine, really." George just nodded. "Still, won't happen again."

Matty gave up. He didn't dare to say that he didn't mind because he had actually liked the kiss. He was scared it would change too much and ruin everything in the aftermath.

"My mom's gonna arrive at around two, yeah?" he reminded George instead. "I know," his friend responded curtly and set the empty bottle on the table, lifting Amaya up to pat her back lightly. Matty just sighed.

Hopefully, the atmosphere would lighten up a little as the day would go by. 


	5. shopping list

"George, love, come here!" Matty heard his mother's voice from the door. "Hi, Denise," came George's answer, followed by the door clicking and the rustling of fabric.

Matty watched his mom enter the living room and a smile spread over his face. "Hi mumma," he said and Denise opened her arms in an invitation. Matty let himself be hugged, careful not to let his mom crush Amaya between them.

"Now let me see this little sweetheart," she cooed and Matty proudly presented the baby in his arms to his mother. "God, she's so cute," Denise gasped and George leaned against the doorframe, a big grin plastered on his face. "She is, isn't she?" Matty smiled.

"Why would a mother give such a small, sweet baby to two inexperienced guys to go work overseas?" Matty swallowed audibly and George stiffened in the doorframe. "It was a spontaneous decision, she only had us. It'll be fine," he said and Matty relaxed a bit. Denise muttered something to herself as she nodded. "Why don't we sit down? Matty, love, would you give me a piece of paper and a pen?"

Matty nodded and placed Amaya in the little basket, but George was already there and handed him the items. Matty smiled as a silent thank you and passed them on to his mom. Denise sighed deeply as she bent over the coffee table and started writing. "We need clothes, we need toys, we need a crib, we need-" George looked at Matty with a raised eyebrow and they both knew it was going to be a long shopping tour. 

They hesitantly entered the huge baby shop about an hour later, just the two of them. Denise was back at their home, taking care of Amaya for the time being. Matty's eyes went huge as the door closed behind them. "This is some kind of different universe, mate," George mumbled behind him, looking around.

There was different baby stuff in every centimeter of the shop. "Wow," Matty let out in a breath and slowly turned around to face George. "Everything looks so perfect, I can't-" George smiled. "Don't get overwhelmed, mate, let's just follow the shopping list." Matty nodded and grabbed George's hand. George's heartrate sped up and he tried his hardest to keep it under control.

The first item on their list was a crib, which shouldn't be too hard. They walked through the shop until they found the corner with the cribs and eyed them up and down. "That's a lot to choose from," Matty mumbled and George shrugged. "Close your eyes, then open them and the one that catches your eye first is the one." Matty looked up at him in confusion. "But we need to choose one together."

George just shook his head. "Nah. I'm sure you'll choose the perfect one. Go on. I'll see if the quality is alright then." Matty nodded and closed his eyes. He breathed in and out slowly, before opening them again. A white crib with a light canopy hanging over it caught his eyes immediately. It reminded him of a bed of a princess and decided it was perfect for _their_ princess. He pointed at the bed in question. "That one."

George followed his finger and grinned. "See? I knew I could trust you with that." They walked closer and George knelt down to examine it thoroughly. "I think that one's alright." He gave his okay and got up again.

Just then a young woman came up to them with a smile. "Hi, can I help you with anything?" she asked. "Uh-" Matty started helplessly. "We want to buy that crib," George took over and gave the girl a blinding smile. "We need a lot of other things, too, though." The girl nodded. "I can reserve that for you, that's no problem." George smiled again. "Thanks, that's very nice of you."

She smiled back and then examined Matty for a second. "So, when is the little thing due?" Matty gulped. He was completely uncomfortable and suddenly felt misplaced in his dress.

"She's already here, a little princess," George answers once again. "Oh, congratulations!" the woman squeals and claps her hands. "Did you adopt or did you have a surrogate?" Matty glanced to the door. He wanted to leave, now.

"Oh, we're just fostering for the time being." _Thank god for George and his smart mind_ , Matty thought. "That's so thoughtful of you! I didn't know gay couples could foster."

George's smile widened, but this time it was fake. "Of course we can, right, darling?" he asked Matty and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Uh huh," Matty just blurted out. "We'll be looking around, yeah? See you later." George pulled Matty away as fast as he could, out of the girl's eyes.

"Fucking cunt," George spat as they were out of earshot. Matty just swallowed heavily and sat down on the stairs that were next to him. "Hey," George mumbled and crouched down in front of him. "You okay?"

Matty sniffled softly. "Why does she think we're worth less than heterosexual parents?" George shook his head and cupped Matty's face. "Because she's a homophobic piece of shit, Matty, don't let it get to you."

Matty shrugged. "The way she stared at my stomach, looking for a baby bump that obviously wasn't there and will never be, I just-" He felt so worthless and out of place in his own body for a second, it scared him.

George sighed. "It's okay. Family doesn't always have to be biological. Let's just focus on Amaya, yes?" Matty nodded. "But what if she's right? What if two gay idiots like us can't raise a child? For God's sake, you're not even gay, it's just me, I'm gonna be such a shit dad, I don't even know how to-" George put a hand over Matty's mouth to stop his self-loathing ramble.

"I am gay, I am a raging homosexual if you haven't noticed already!" Matty's eyes went huge. "You're what?"

George let himself fall to his knees in defeat. "Why do you think my relationships with girls haven't lasted for longer than a month?" Matty just shook his head in shock. "Have you been in relationships with a guy before?" he whispered and George stared at the ground. He nodded barely noticeable.

Matty's heart shattered then and there.

"Why did you never tell me?" he whimpered. "I thought we were best friends?" George just shrugged. "I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I didn't know how you would react."

Matty cupped his face softly. "George," he cooed. "I grew up around gay people, I would've never judged you for loving men!" George looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "I know," he said. "But I didn't know if it would've been different if you had to live with a gay guy in a flat, sharing a bed and all that."

Matty chuckled. "You're such an idiot. Just for your information, now that I know you're gay, I will snuggle up even closer to you at night." George laughed as well. "I can live with that."

Matty grinned. "So, how many guys?" he asked and nudged George with his elbow. "Three," he answered hesitantly. "Hasn't lasted long either, though. They didn't like being a secret." Matty nodded slowly. "I'm sorry."

George shrugged and got up, extending a hand towards Matty to help him up. "It wasn't meant to be. They weren't quite amused when they realised I was in love with someone else, either." Matty raised his eyebrows as they wandered the aisles of the shop. "Who's the lucky guy?" he wanted to know but George shook his head. "None of your business, asshole."

Matty laughed. "Not very loyal of you kissing me when you're in love with someone else, huh?" he mocked and George rolled his eyes.

If only he knew.

"Shut up Matty, stop complaining." Matty laughed loudly. "I'm not complaining, you're a very good kisser, George." George raised an eyebrow. "Oh, am I now?" he asked and turned to Matty, smirking. "Fuck yes, you are." Matty grinned at him.

"Glad to hear that," George mumbled and got even closer to Matty. He pushed him against the wall behind them and Matty's heart was racing. He knew this was supposed to be just joking between friends, but it felt like so much more to him.

He giggled nervously. "He will be so disappointed if he finds out you've wasted a kiss on me," he shot back and George rolled his eyes. "It was once, okay? He'll get over it." Matty laughed as he cupped George's face.

God, how he wanted these lips on his again.

"What if I stole another one? Would he be pissed?" George snorted. "Yeah, not happening." Matty bit his lip and looked up at George through his eyelashes. "You sure about that?" George nodded. "One hundred percent."

But he didn't move. He didn't take a step back or moved his hands from where they trapped Matty on the wall.

"Move, then," Matty dared him, but George didn't budge. "Make me," he whispered back and Matty rolled his eyes. "Shut the fuck up and give your best friend another kiss."

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to George's clumsily, not knowing how George liked to be kissed. He was glad when George finally gave in and kissed back with a force that drove Matty's head back into the wall.

George's hands moved under his shirt and traced the tattoo on his hip, as he softly opened his mouth trying to get Matty do the same. Matty gave in and his knees gave out under him when his tongue touched George's for the first time. This was the best kiss he'd ever received, he was sure. A desperate moan escaped his throat and George pulled back.

"I won," Matty said shakily when he had collected himself again. "Oh, he's gonna be so mad when he finds out."

He ducked under George's arms and walked away. "I'll just deny it," George answered as he caught up to him. "Oh, yeah?" Matty laughed. "You kissed Matty fucking Healy, you should tattoo that on your forehead, you prick. There's people who would kill for a kiss from me."

George laughed. "Not me, mate."

Lie.

"Ungrateful asshole," Matty muttered and yelped as George picked him up and threw him over his shoulder.

Both of them started to laugh then, as George walked towards another corner of the shop.

"I don't know about you, but I'll go choose a baby carriage now." 


	6. and i love you all too much

With a huff, Matty and George set down the last package that contained the crib. Matty smiled up at George, his eyes bright and sweat making his face glisten. "Let's see if mum hasn't killed Amaya yet."

George let out an ungraceful snort and they entered the living room, where Denise was concentrated on a TV show about baking, Amaya sleeping in her little willow basket. "Hi mum, we're done," Matty whispered, careful not to wake the baby.

"Hi, loves," Denise mumbled back and turned off the TV. "I'm gonna head home now, okay? Louis is waiting. Do you have any other questions?" Matty shook his head and looked at George who also said no. "Alright, I'll see you," Denise said and hugged the both of them, before George brought her to the door.

"Thanks for watching Amaya," George said and Denise nodded. "Of course, if you ever need anything, I'm only a call away, yeah?"

George nodded when Matty came to the hallway. "Tell Louis I said hi, okay?" he mumbled, looking at the floor. He missed his brother tremendously and George was aware of that. "Of course, honey." Denise gave Matty a kiss on the cheek before she waved them goodbye and left.

George closed the door and took his friend into his arms for a moment. "We should invite him over this weekend," he whispered into Matty's ear and Matty nodded softly. "I would like that very much."

George let go of him slowly. "You rest now, okay? I'll set the things up in the nursery." Matty wanted to protest, but got cut off by Amaya's cries. "See?" George said and grinned at Matty, who rolled his eyes and went to pick Amaya up to calm her down.

He sat down on the couch with her and closed his eyes. The shopping trip had really exhausted him, mentally as well as physically. The judging of the girl had been very hurtful, so all he wanted to do was being alone for a moment.

He turned to lie down on his back and put Amaya down on his chest. He smiled softly when he felt her little hands grab a bit of his dress. "You're not tired anymore, love?" he whispered and Amaya nagged quietly.

He giggled and softly stroked her little head. "That's okay. We can just lay here." He used the time to look around in their living room.

He let his eyes wander over the thousand framed pictures adorning the walls and surfaces. Most of them were of George and him, but some also showed their families and friends.

He got stuck on a bigger one that showed George and him in a suit, Matty smiling brightly into the camera, whilst George smiled down at him with so much adoration in his eyes it made Matty's heart clench in his chest every time he looked at it.

The picture had been taken at the wedding of mutual friends. It had been a while, Matty realized, because George's hair was still long on the photograph.

He missed that, going to parties, formal or informal ones, dancing with his friend until their feet hurt and everybody else had already left. George was a phenomenal dancer and made up for the lack of talent and skill Matty brought into the equation.

Matty closed his eyes and tried to remember the way George's big hand covered almost all of his lower back, the way his other hand completely hid Matty's.

He didn't even realize he fell asleep with a smile on his face and the feeling of George pressed up against him, until he got woken up by multiple butterfly kisses. He opened his eyes reluctantly, just to look directly into George's eyes.

"Hey, sorry to wake you. I'm done with the nursery, though. Thought you might wanna see it." Matty nodded and groaned as he slowly sat up, pressing Amaya to his chest. George helped him up and they went to the old guest bedroom together.

"Close your eyes," George mumbled behind Matty before they reached the door. "George, I will drop our baby," he laughed in protest, but George's hand was on his back in an instant and his other hand over his eyes. "I'll be careful," he promised and Matty let himself be guided through the door.

It smelled like new furniture in there, but also a hint of lavender and George let him open his eyes. Matty almost instantly burst into tears.

The nursery was beautiful.

The crib was standing in one corner, a little rocking chair in another.

The baby changing table with the many drawers stood at the long wall next to them.

George had put the playpen far right and in the middle of it all was a huge, fluffy carpet.

Matty hadn't known that George had any kind of decoration skills, because he had been the one to decorate their flat, but George had put his heart and soul into this nursery.

New curtains were next to the windows in a soft white, small framed pictures of animals in black and white were hanging on the wall across from them.

A little mobile with sheep was dangling above the crib.

The lavender scent came from a candle on the tiny table next to the rocking chair.

A white shelf next to it contained tons of children's books and leaning against it was a huge box with toys.

In the last corner, George had set up a cuddle corner, a big mattress with tons of white fluffy pillows and pastel colored crochet blankets. Illuminating it were dozens of fairylights.

"George, thats-" Matty started and turned to his best friend. George smiled at him and Amaya and Matty's heart jumped. He looked at them with even more love in his eyes than on the picture in the living room.

"My little family," he whispered and touched Matty's arms. "Oh, George," Matty sniffed back. "I wish we could be your little family forever." George just nodded and pulled them in, carefully wrapping his arms around them.

He knew. He felt the same way.

Matty didn't know for how long they stood there, before George softly dragged them to the crib and Matty set Amaya down. He closed the sleep sack she was lying in and then pulled a thin blanket over her belly.

He cuddled up to George, his hand resting on George's warm chest, the steady heartbeat underneath prominent under Matty's fingertips. He leaned his head against his chest, too, and George wrapped his arms around him loosely.

They looked at the sleeping baby and stayed silent. Both of them wanted to tell each other how much they loved the other, how much they loved this little family, but decided against it.

Right there, it felt like they had all the time in the world. 


	7. i love you, don't you mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not posting in ages, but summer vacation is finally here!
> 
> a chapter from Matty's pov, hope u like :)

The cold was what caused Matty to wake up that night. He groaned softly and rolled over to look at George's side of the bed, but it was empty. A quiet whimper escaped his throat and he rolled out of bed, taking his phone with him, to find his best friend. It was dark and silent in their flat, so his footsteps on the wooden floor sounded incredibly loud to him. He looked into the nursery and his heart dropped when he couldn't see Amaya in her bed. He sprinted over to the empty crib and was about to panic for good, when he heard soft snoring coming from behind him. He whipped around and saw George lying uncomfortably bent in the cuddle corner, Amaya sound asleep on his chest. Matty sighed in relief and a big smile took over his face. They looked adorable, he thought. He unlocked his phone and snapped a picture of them, smiling at the product. He sat down in the rocking chair when he decided to text Louis. 

**Matty**

_hey, u wanna come over tmrw?_

**Louis**

_yeah sure_

**Matty**

_Why r u still awake_

**Louis**

_Could ask u the same_

Matty bit his lip. He opened his gallery and then, after hesitating for a moment, he sent the picture he had just taken. 

**Matty**

_bed was cold_

**Louis**

_you love him, don't u_

**Matty**

_Wdym, he's my best mate ofc i love him_

**Louis**

_That's not what i meant and u know it_

**Matty**

_I'm not gay if that's what ur implying_

**Louis**

_sure, and the sky isn't blue huh_

**Matty**

_Well actually, that's correct, it's not the sky itself_

_gases and particles in the atmosphere scatter sunlight in all directions, blue light is scattered more than other colors because it travels as shorter, smaller waves. that's why it appears blue, but it isn't blue itself_

**Louis**

_god stfu_

**Matty**

_just educating my dumb lil brother xx_

**Matty**

_u still didn't tell me why ur up this late_

Louis read the message but didn't reply. Matty sighed and looked up at George again. _I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it_ , suddenly raced through his mind like a train and he bit his lip. It had been about George, always. Matty loved to watch him sleep, he looked calm and relaxed, something Matty couldn't quite feel himself. He was always electric, full of energy, even if he didn't feel like it at all. He loved George, of course he did, but not in a romantic kind of way. He was his best friend, the one person that had stayed through everything, sticking to his side like gum to hair. Yes, sometimes his heart tripped a little when George would take off his shirt after a gig, the sweat running down his spine. Matty wasn't the straightest man to ever exist, his skirts and dresses proved that, but no, he wasn't gay and he wasn't in love with George. He put his phone away and walked over to the two of them. He lied down on the mattress next to them and cuddled up to George, inhaling his scent. George always smelled warm, earthy, a little bit like the sea. Matty buried his face deeper in his side. Maybe he did love him. As more than a friend. The thought terrified him. He didn't want to ruin anything, he was so afraid of losing George to some stupid crush. He needed him and Amaya needed them both. He had to get his shit together. But not tonight, he decided, as he wrapped his arm around George's and let his tears flow. 


	8. much needed advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in ages, oof. I'm writing a lot at the moment tho, so stay tuned! if anyone's still reading this story, i would love some comments :)

The sunlight peeking through the white curtains woke George the next morning. He blinked a few times, carefully moving, but a sharp pain shooting through his neck stopped him from moving further.

He groaned softly and fell back into the pillows, looking over at Matty lying next to him. He assumed his friend had woken up last night, looking for him.

He smiled softly and extended a hand to softly caress his face. When he didn't react, George took hold of Amaya and forced himself to sit up. Coffee was what he needed now, he decided, so he got up, ignoring his screaming muscles.

He quietly went downstairs and got the coffee machine started. The little baby in his arms opened her eyes and smacked her lips. George grinned. "How are we feeling today, little nugget?" he cooed and nudged her nose with his index finger. Amaya squeaked softly and George laughed.

He loved her so incredibly much, it would break his heart when she left. Whilst his coffee was brewing, he decided to make some formula for the baby, so they could sit on the balcony and enjoy the silence of the morning together.

He set her down into the pastel purple baby bouncer and carefully gave it a nudge. When the formula was ready, he poured it into a bottle and his coffee into an extra large mug, because he suddenly understood why new parents were always so damn exhausted.

Babies were more than a handful, especially at night.

He opened the door to the balcony and set the drinks on the little metal table, before he put on a jacket and snatched the throw blanket from the couch to securely wrap Amaya in it so she wouldn't freeze. He sat down on one of the chairs and gently rocked Amaya in his arms.

She looked at ease, not very hungry yet, no full diaper. He smiled as he closed his eyes and let the sun warm his face.

He opened them again when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He awkwardly pulled it out, trying not to disturb Amaya, and then read the message from Ross. _You up already? Wtf mate, u good?_

George snorted softly. Everyone knew he preferred to sleep in. _Yea, i'm fine. Stop stalking me_.

The answer came promptly: _What threw u out of bed at this ungodly hour?_

George hesitated. He knew he shouldn't, but he needed to tell someone about Amaya. The truth, that is. He couldn't keep it to himself anymore since it was eating him up from the inside. Ross was someone he could trust. Ross wouldn't tell.

So he snapped a picture of Amaya in his arms and hit send. It didn't take more than five seconds until his phone rang. He picked up and braced himself for a wave of questions, but Ross just snorted. "Mate, when 'd you knock Matty up?"

George sighed. "Asshole. I haven't done more than kiss him, stop being a prick."

Ross snickered quietly on his end of the line, before he spoke up again. "No, for real man, whose baby is that?"

 _Mine_ , George wanted to say. It was his baby, his and Matty's. It was their child. But then again, it wasn't, not really.

"I wish she could stay with us forever," George decided to settle on, but it came out as a whisper.

"What are you talking about?" Ross was beyond confused by now. "She was on our doorstep, a few nights ago. We couldn't catch the mum. She's… stuck with us now."

Silence followed.

George heard Ross gulp before he spoke. "George… you know that this is a bad idea. You could probably get arrested for that."

George sighed. "Ross. I didn't tell you to get scolded. I needed to confide in someone." This time it was Ross' turn to sigh.

"I know. But George, please tell me you will consider giving her somewhere more suitable for a baby. Mate, there's a baby box at the hospital. Completely anonymous. She will be adopted into a loving family in a second. Please. This is the safest way."

George felt anger bubble up inside him and hung up. He slammed the phone on the table, startling Amaya in the process. She flinched and was about to cry, but George pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her closer, so she relaxed.

He reached for the bottle through tears clouding his vision more and more and started to feed the baby.

His baby.

When Amaya started to suckle eagerly, he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He tried to keep his sobs quiet as they wrecked his body.

He didn't want to give Amaya away. She was everything he had ever wanted.

Her and Matty. And himself.

A family.

He didn't want to destroy that. Finally, he had found happiness. He wasn't going to trade it for sadness ever again. He knew Ross was right, but leaving Amaya was something he couldn't bear.

He sniffled and tried to blink his tears away. He needed to get his act together before Matty woke up.


	9. reunion

At around 9am Matty made his way to the balcony, feeling the light breeze coming in from the open door. He caught sight of Amaya and George and smiled immediately. 

"Morning my loves," he croaked in his deep morning voice and hugged George from behind. "Good morning, Matty," George mumbled back and grabbed his arm with his own hand, closing his eyes and leaning into the embrace. 

"Why are you guys already up?" Matty asked as he sat down on the chair beside George. 

"Dunno, just couldn't sleep," George answered and yawned. George didn't meet his eyes and Matty could feel something was wrong. 

"Something up, George?" he asked, careful not to push too hard. But George just shook his head. "'s nothing." Matty nodded slowly and turned to look at the sky, too. 

"They don't want us to keep her, do they?" George blurted out. Matty frowned and looked at him. "What do you mean? Who's them?" 

George sighed. "Told Ross about her. He's not thrilled to say the least." Matty raised his eyebrows. He wanted to be mad but found he couldn't. They were overwhelmed and he knew one of them would break eventually and tell someone the truth. 

"Good thing Ross doesn't have to care for her then, huh?" he tried to reassure his best friend, who nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh, George," Matty sighed and got up to wrap his arms around George, who burst into tears right then and there. "Why? Why does this have to happen to us?" 

Matty bit his lip. "George, mate, it's fine. Somehow the mother knew she'd be safe with us." 

George just shook his head. "How? Who was that woman, and why couldn't she just find some young couple who knows what to do with a baby, with people around who support them?" 

To this question, Matty didn't have an answer anymore. He just held George and closed his eyes. He knew how his friend felt, he'd felt like that before. They needed to keep Amaya safe, though, no matter what. 

"You want another coffee, love?" he eventually mumbled into George's ear, who just nodded weakly. "Sure," he breathed and handed Matty the empty mug. Matty pressed a soft kiss to George's head. "I love you, mate. It's gonna be fine." George smiled softly up at him. "I love you, too." 

Matty smiled back and left for the kitchen, making himself and George another coffee. His phone buzzed with a notification from Louis, telling him that he was on his way, so Matty pulled another mug from the cupboard to prepare some coffee for his little brother as well. 

He returned to the balcony with two of the coffees and sat down again, holding out his hands for George, so he could give him the baby. George looked at him in confusion, before his eyes widened and he sat up straight. "Oh shit, yeah, sure, here." He gave her to Matty. Amaya made small content noises and smiled adorably. Matty giggled softly and pressed a kiss to her little nose. 

"It's like an additional limb, isn't it? It's like you forget she doesn't really belong to your body," Matty asked George, who nodded. "Yeah. You don't even feel the weight. It feels right to hold her." 

They both watched Amaya fall asleep again, before the doorbell disturbed their peace and Matty sighed, as he got up. "I'll be back." 

He gave Amaya to George again, before he opened the door for his little brother. "Hey," he said and hugged him tight, before Louis mumbled: "You're squeezing me to death, Matty!" 

Matty let go of his brother and smiled at him. "Come on, I made coffee for you." Louis gasped and took off his shoes and jacket, leaving them next to the door. "You're a saint, I haven't had my daily dose of caffeine yet." 

They got Louis' coffee before they joined George on the balcony. "Oi, mate, how you doing?" Louis greeted his brother's best friend. 

"Fine, how are you?" Louis nodded as he fell down on Matty's chair. "It's going well, thanks." Matty sat down on the third chair and his brother leaned forward. "Now who's that?" he asked and frowned, looking at Amaya in George's arms. 

George turned towards him so he could get a better look at the baby. "Her name's Amaya." Louis looked at his brother. "Are you guys secretly married or something?" Matty frowned. "No, what?" Louis shrugged. "Then how did you adopt a baby?" 

Matty looked at George, looking for help. George cleared his throat. "We didn't." Louis raised his eyebrows at George's comment. "Then where did that baby come from? Don't tell me Matty popped her out of his vagina or something, cause then I'm sure you've lost your mind."

Matty snorted. "Louis, you idiot." George chuckled under his breath. "I can assure you that your brother does in fact have a dick." Louis gasped and covered his ears. "No, shut the fuck up, I don't wanna hear it!" Matty and George laughed. 

"A woman left her on our doorstep. She's been with us since," George went on seriously. Louis frowned again. "Why didn't you give her away then?" George looked at Matty. 

"I don't know," Matty whispered. "We just couldn't." Louis sighed. "I'm not gonna tell you guys how stupid and dangerous that is. I know you wouldn't listen anyway." George silently thanked him for being the first one to let them decide by themselves what to do with Amaya. 

"She's cute," Louis muttered and Matty smiled. "You wanna hold her?" George held Amaya out to Louis, who grabbed her clumsily. "Wait, her head, support the head, Louis," Matty helped him and soon enough his brother held his baby. 

"Wow," Louis breathed and smiled at Amaya. "She's beautiful. I think I understand you guys." George squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks mate, means a lot."

And it did.

  
  
  
  



	10. bad decisions

Louis was fumbling around with a little squeaky toy above Amaya's head when George shouted in the general direction of the living room that lunch was ready.

Matty ushered his brother away from the thick blanket on the floor and picked Amaya up to set her into the baby bouncer in the kitchen once again.

They sat down at the table and George served some gnocchi with tomato sauce, one of Louis' favorite foods when he stayed over at their flat. "George, you should join Gordon Ramsey sometime," he mumbled through a spoonful of gnocchi and Matty lightly slapped him on the back of his head. "Stop talking while you are eating, you pig."

Louis giggled and George just snorted. "It's good I suppose?" Matty nodded in unison with his younger brother. "Great as always, George." George nodded before turning his attention back to his own plate.

Amaya was softly nagging in her bouncer and Matty was internally praying that she could wait until they were all done with eating first.

"So, how's school, Louis?" George asked Matty's little brother. They had only gotten close these last few years. Before that, Louis had been way too young for their kind of lifestyle and Matty was never there to build some kind of bond with his sibling either.

George was grateful that things had changed.

Both Matty and him were settled down as much as they could, his best friend had a good relationship with his family and especially his brother.

Back when they weren't really staying in touch, there had always been something weirdly off about Matty, a very essential piece in the huge, irregular puzzle that was his soul.

Louis was a nice boy, good manners if they were required and always ready to help. George liked him. He was like a little brother to him as well.

"It's alright," Louis said and shrugged. "Boring and hella draining but it is what it is, right? Everybody has to go through that."

Matty nodded. "Education is important, mate."

George laughed. "Matty, you completely butchered the GCSEs and then never showed up to get the results. Instead you went to a festival!" Matty shushed him. "No need to tell Louis, I don't want him to end up like us."

George shrugged. "We're doing alright for ourselves, aren't we? Things are alright."

"There's a random baby in our living room, George." George frowned. "Yeah, well, modern problems require modern solutions." Matty threw his hands up towards the ceiling. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a meme," Louis commented.

"I fucking hate all of you." Matty pouted and looked down at his plate.

"I agree with George, though. Isn't this something that you have always wanted?" Louis asked his brother, whose head shot up. "Could you shut up?"

Now it was Louis' turn to frown. "Wait, he doesn't know that you-"

"Shut up!" Matty shouted at him. George looked puzzled. He turned from Matty to Louis. "I don't know that he's what?"

Matty stared at his brother so hard Louis swore his eyeballs were about to pop out of their sockets.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "That he's gay?" George suggested and Louis looked at him. "You know?"

George laughed in relief. "Course I do. He's my best mate." _You don't know that he's in love with you, though_ , Louis thought, but kept it to himself. "No reason to overreact, Matty, you hide secrets from me, mate?" George chuckled.

If only he knew.

"Night, Louis," Matty mumbled into Louis' hair as he held him close to say goodbye. "Greet mum from me."

Louis nodded as Matty let go. "Sure will." He looked into the hallway once more, but George was upstairs taking a shower. "Matty?" he asked his brother, careful not to make him upset. "Yeah?" his brother answered and smiled at him.

"You gotta tell him, man. He's so oblivious." Matty bit his lip. "I think it's time to go, Louis."

"No, wait!" Louis gasped and stopped Matty from shoving him outside. "He likes you, Matty, a lot, okay? You should be honest with him and see where that takes you." Matty just nodded. "I'll consider it. Now hurry, mum's waiting outside." Louis sighed but waved and left.

Matty shut the door and slid down to the floor. He buried his face in his hands. What he felt for George was so twisted, so wrong and fucked up in his eyes. It wasn't right to love his best friend like that, and there was no way these feelings were mutual. He needed to get rid of them, he decided and went to the cupboard hiding their alcohol stash.

He completely ignored Amaya's protests as he unscrewed a bottle of whiskey and chugged down a huge part of it. The burn of the liquid was a welcome pain. It didn't matter anyway in his opinion, nobody needed his presence anyway, so he put airpods in his ears, turned up the volume and let the alcohol and the music drown out the pain and the worries, even if it was just for a little while. 


	11. my mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama, oops

A slap on the back of his head woke Matty from his little nap. He jumped and ripped the airpods out of his ears, looking around. 

He could hear George yelling at him and Amaya crying, but he couldn't make out any words. 

He was tired, he wanted to go back to sleep, wanted to let the welcome darkness surround him again. 

Then it hit him. 

"Are you out of your mind, you prick?" George screamed at him, rocking Amaya in his arms. Matty looked at him in confusion. 

"Do you even listen to what I'm saying?" George kept on yelling and Matty nodded softly. "Yeah, yeah," he mumbled. George was fuming. "What are you doing? She's been crying for ten bloody minutes and you're here getting drunk and taking a nap?" Matty bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I-" But George cut him off. 

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Matty, fuck you." George was suddenly tired, taking Amaya upstairs. He didn't want to have to look at Matty's face anymore. 

In Amaya's nursery he sat down in the cuddle corner and pressed Amaya to his chest. The baby slowly calmed down, but George didn't. He was mad at Matty, for he had been the one who wanted to keep Amaya in the first place. George had been against it, but now here he was, holding a baby that wasn't his. 

He felt alone. Matty was no help at all. George should've known that this wouldn't work out. 

Matty hadn't fully recovered, how could he? Sure, he went to rehab, but after that everyone acted like it was fine, like Matty was clean and healthy. He wasn't. Maybe he didn't do hard drugs anymore, but his personality was still the same. 

His depression was still there and George had decided to ignore it. Matty was a melancholic person, always had been, but this wasn't his usual melancholy, this was a cry for help. 

Suddenly he knew why people had wanted them to give Amaya away. It wasn't that they didn't think they would be good parents, it was the fact that they had to fix Matty first. George had to help Matty first. 

He closed his eyes and wanted to cry, when their doorbell rang. Very well knowing that Matty wouldn't answer it in his state, he set Amaya in her crib and went downstairs, hastily throwing a shirt on. When he opened the door, he wanted to close it again. Police. Were they here to get Amaya? 

"Are you George Daniel?" a cop asked and George nodded hastily. "Yeah, yeah, what's going on?" The two men seemed to notice his confusion. "We're just here to ask you about one of your downstairs neighbors. Apartment 1a, a young woman. She's been missing for a few days now and we're trying to find her. She's pregnant." George had to steady himself on the doorframe. 

"We don't really talk to the people in this house, sorry. I've never seen a pregnant woman around here." The policemen nodded and the other sighed. "Do you live alone?" George shook his head. "I live with my husband." The lie went over his lips so smoothly he surprised himself. "But he's asleep with a terrible migraine so I don't really want to wake him." The men nodded again. "Well, if you happen to know anything else, feel free to call us, yeah?" One of them gave him a small card and they left again. 

George closed the door and threw the card down. He was shaking and his thoughts were racing so fast he couldn't get his hands on a single one. He went to get Matty, who was sitting on the couch, silent tears running over his cheeks. He looked wrecked. George's heart ached, but he had to ignore it for a moment, just to keep Amaya safe. "Get up, we're leaving." 

Matty looked at him, his eyes puffy. "Where to?" his voice was dull, his lips sticking together. "You'll see. Put on your shoes."

Suddenly, George knew what to do. He went to get Amaya. Standing in front of the crib, he couldn't hold back the tears. He loved the kid, but this wasn't the right place for her, this wasn't the right family. 

He took her out of her little bed, pressing her to his chest. He'd miss her soft warmth. He grabbed the white stuffed bunny Matty had chosen from the baby shop. He wanted Amaya to have something from her first dads when she'd grow up. Something they had given her to show her that they cared. 

He wrapped Amaya in one of the crocheted blankets and went downstairs, where Matty was waiting for them. 

"Where are we going?" Matty asked again, this time more demanding. "Shut up," George mumbled back. He put on his shoes and jacket and opened the door. "Come on," he told Matty and they went downstairs to their car. George put Amaya into the child seat in the back before he sat down himself to drive.

But he couldn't. He tried to breathe but the anxiety made it almost impossible. "Fuck!" he sobbed and hit the steering wheel in despair. "George?" Matty whispered softly, touching his arm. George hit him with his elbow. "Don't touch me." He started the car and drove off into the dark night. 

The drive to the hospital was silent. Matty had no idea where they were going. Where would George need to be at this time of day? But when Matty saw the sign that said 'baby box' he knew what they were doing. "No, George," he pleaded and looked at his best friend, panic rising in his chest. George was gripping the steering wheel, hard. Tears were streaming down his face, his lips pressed together.

He turned left into a dark street that led to the box behind the hospital. "No!" Matty screeched and gripped George's arm. "No, George, no, please!" he cried, but George didn't care, he just kept driving.

"George, no, no," Matty wailed, "No, please, George, why? George!" He tried to get a hold of the steering wheel, but his friend's strong arm was in the way.

"George," he sobbed, slowly giving up. He screamed in agony, hitting George's arm. "Why would you do that George, why?" The car began to slow down. "She's our baby, George, our baby. You can't give her up, no, George, please,"

Matty couldn't stop crying. His heart felt like it had been shattered to pieces when he'd seen the street sign.

The car came to a stop. It was dark outside, only a few lamps illuminating the path to the baby box. "She's not our baby," George hissed. It felt like a lie. "George," Matty whimpered, but George couldn't give in. He needed to give Amaya the life she deserved.

He got out of the car and took the baby out of her seat. Softly, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Goodbye, my baby. My sweet little nugget. I love you," he mumbled. "Remember me," he whispered, although he knew it was useless. Amaya wouldn't be able to remember them.

He opened Matty's door and looked at him expectantly. "No," Matty whispered when he realised what George expected from him. "I can't, George." 

"You should've thought about that before you proved to me that you aren't able to raise a child with me. Get out." Matty knew that protesting would be useless. He got out of the car and took Amaya from George. "I hate you," he spat at George with as much disgust as he could muster. George didn't even flinch. "I can live with that. Go." 

Matty turned around. His heart broke over and over again, with every step he took. 

So this was the end. 

And it was solely his fault. 


	12. everybody's pushing out babies now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta change the rating for that, whoops

With every new step, Matty's heart became heavier. Amaya was still sleeping in his arms, unaware of what was about to happen. 

He could see the small door already that opened the baby box. He didn't want to give Amaya away, he really didn't. George didn't think he could raise Amaya with him and he couldn't do it alone. 

Maybe the others were right. Amaya would be better off in another family, a loving family, a mom, a dad, maybe siblings. That was the way Amaya deserved to grow up. Not with two guys who couldn't even take care of themselves. 

He opened the box and knew a signal was going off in the room behind it. A signal telling the nurses another baby arrived, another baby nobody could care for. He set Amaya down on the small towel in the metal box. Another signal. 

Matty couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. Hell, Amaya didn't even know what was happening. He closed his eyes as memory after memory filled his mind: finding Amaya on the doorstep, George calming her down, George kissing Matty the next morning, the pancakes, the feeding, the playing, the love. 

The fucking love. 

Picking out the crib, the car seat, the damn curtains, for fuck's sake. Finding out George was gay, kissing him again, their lips against one another, Matty could barely breathe. 

He remembered seeing the nursery for the first time, telling George that

he wanted to be his family, George, Amaya and him. He did. He couldn't give Amaya away. He wanted a family with George, no matter what it would cost. 

So he grabbed Amaya out of the box again, slamming the door close again. Another signal would go off. No baby. The baby was with him. His baby. 

He cried as he held Amaya close and stumbled down the dark path back towards the car. He wasn't even halfway there when he recognized George running towards him through his haze of tears. All he could make out was George stilling in relief. Matty had stopped dead in his tracks, too. They just stood there, crying, staring at each other. George broke out of his stillness and closed the space between him and his family with a few big steps. 

He closed his arms around Matty, wedging his friend's head underneath his chin. "Fuck," he breathed out and felt Matty shaking in his arms. 

"I'm sorry," Matty cried softly into his chest, but George just shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. Fuck, I've almost lost her, lost the both of you. I've almost lost my family, fuck." Matty sniffled softly as George loosened his hold. In the dim orange light, Matty looked up at George. His face shimmered with tears, his eyes dark and deep. 

Before he could think twice, he closed his eyes and pulled George's head down to kiss him. When their lips met, it wasn't like the times they'd kissed before. 

It wasn't like that one time they'd been high off their asses after an award show and made out in their hotel room, passing out before anything more could happen. 

It wasn't like the time they were fourteen either, when George had asked Matty what it felt like to be kissed and Matty just decided to show him. 

It wasn't like the small kiss that morning either, the morning after they were suddenly three in their flat. 

It wasn't anything like the kiss in the baby shop after provoking George to the limit. 

This was the first kiss they put all of their love into. It was the first kiss where they didn't act like it was something between mates. 

They kissed because they were in love with each other, they kissed because they'd just started a family and they couldn't be more relieved and blessed. 

George kissed Matty back with desperation, finally feeling his friend's lips against his again. 

He tried to get Matty to open his mouth, but it took a moment until he succeeded. Finally, George pried Matty's lips apart with his tongue and pushed past his teeth. A whimper escaped Matty's throat, only spurring George on further. George moaned low in this throat, chasing Matty's tongue with his own. 

When he'd had enough for the moment, he went back to softly kissing Matty's wet lips. He had no idea how long they'd stood there, kissing under the sketchy streetlamp, when Matty took a small step back. He didn't look at George, but took his hand instead. "Let's bring her home," he mumbled and George nodded. 

He couldn't deny the way his heart dropped, though. Had he done something wrong? 

George opened the door for Matty and their daughter, before closing it behind him again. 

They shrugged off their jackets and shoes and George followed Matty to Amaya's nursery. Matty lied down in the cuddle corner and placed Amaya on his chest. 

George smiled softly and lied down with them, pulling a blanket over the three of them. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, right after meeting you," Matty mumbled and George nodded. "Yeah, same. I think we can make it work. Please tell me we're on the same page here." 

Matty just snuggled up to him and George sighed in relief. "I want to do this, Matty. I want to do this with you." Matty looked him in the eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. "What is it?" George asked quietly and Matty shook his head as he looked away. 

"It's nothing, really, I just… You don't mind that she's not a child I gave you? That I didn't carry her for nine months right under my heart after making love to you?" George frowned. "Jesus, of course not. Matty. Do you?" His friend shrugged, but didn't answer. 

George propped himself up on his elbow. "Matty, come on. What's wrong? Is it because she isn't our biological daughter?" Matty shook his head. "It's just… It just breaks me that I couldn't give you that child." 

George sighed. "But you did, Matty. You insisted on keeping her from the very first moment. You brought her into my life, okay?" Matty nodded. "I know, still." George didn't know how to help Matty right now. Something like this hadn't exactly happened yet, so he decided to just listen. 

"Look, I've wanted to have this for so long," George's patience was rewarded when Matty spoke up again. "You, me, a baby of our own. But I just can't help but feel weirdly disconnected from all this. It's like when that stupid girl from the baby shop looked for my baby bump. I despised every second of it. Not because she was being a bitch - of course she was - but because I could never live up to her expectations. Because I could never get pregnant. I just can't." George cupped his face. "And that's okay, Matty, I promise… Or isn't it?" he added when he saw the distress on Matty's face. 

"It's not that I feel like I'm in the wrong body, not really. I just wish I could carry a child, 's all." George nodded. "I won't say I understand because I don't. I've never felt that, but I can imagine it sucks." 

Matty nodded in defeat. "I can't help but feel like it's stupid, but I also can't stop myself from feeling this way. I just wish we could've had a baby the usual way. Just wish I could've bonded with her from the start, you know? A deeper bond, I mean. I feel like there isn't much between us." 

George snorted ungracefully. "Of course there is, Matty! She adores you, she looks so happy and energetic when she's with you. You have a different bond with her than I do, of course you have, but it's a beautiful one nonetheless. You don't need to carry her for nine months to have that bond, okay?" Matty nodded and softly stroked Amaya's back. 

He was grateful for Amaya, family didn't need to be biological, George was right. "I don't really know how to help you here, Matty," George whispered softly, running his fingers through Matty's curls. "I wish I could take that pain from you." 

Matty just smiled. "I know. It's okay. Just some weird wish of mine that can never come true. It's fine, though. We have her now. It's all we've got and that's more than enough, that's more I could've ever wished for." George smiled softly and let his hand rest on Matty's stomach. 

It wasn't like he didn't know Matty wasn't the most masculine man on the planet, but he hadn't known that Matty struggled with more than just the decision between skirts and trousers in the morning. It went deeper than that and George felt bad for his best friend. 

"We can pretend, though," he mumbled after mustering up all the courage he had in him. Matty frowned. "Pretend what?" George shrugged and stroked Matty's flat stomach. "That you can. That we can make a baby." Matty chuckled, but shook his head. "George, no. This is just gonna make things worse." 

But George insisted. "But what if it doesn't? What if it helps? Reality is cruel, life is cruel. But sometimes there's an escape, even if it's just for a few moments. Come on, please." 

Matty bit his lip. "What would you do if I could?" George blushed in embarrassment. "Um…," he started, but couldn't bring himself to say anything. 

Matty got up to place the sleeping Amaya in her crib, before returning to George. "What would you do to me, huh?" he asked seductively, sliding into George's lap. "Would you make love to me, soft and slow?" he whispered against George's lips, before trailing lower and nipping at his pulse point. George moaned softly. 

"Fuck, no," he breathed. "Don't think I could contain myself, fuck, you're so pretty." Matty giggled. "Yeah?" George growled and pressed Matty into the mattress, hovering above him. "Fuck, what are you doing to me?" he panted, feeling himself losing control. 

Matty laughed quietly. "Nothing. Come on, do something. Make me a baby, George," he breathed into George's ear and his friend grabbed him by the arm, lifting him up and carrying him to the bedroom, where he threw him down onto the bed. 

"That what you want?" George asked, slipping into bed with Matty again. "Mh," Matty just made. "Do you want me to get you pregnant, is that it?" Matty whimpered and nodded, as George tugged on his pants. "I just want to give you a baby of your own. Please, let me," he muttered and George groaned, face buried in Matty's soft tummy. "Yeah, alright," he mumbled and got rid of Matty's clothing. 

Matty kept on whimpering under him, so George raised an eyebrow. "Hey, you okay?" he asked and cupped Matty's face. Matty nodded. "Yeah. Just haven't done that before." George raised an eyebrow. "For real?" Matty nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. Sorry if that's a huge turn-off now." 

George was quick to shake his head. "God, no. But I think we should take it slow, then." Matty nodded thankfully. "Okay." 

George took his time to worship every inch of Matty's body, trying to make him feel safe and loved. 

"You're wearing a bit much," Matty remarked suddenly and tried to undress George. George chuckled, helping him. "Better now?" he then asked and Matty laughed, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. 

"Come on, fuck me, please," he whined as he pulled away and George nodded, reaching over to his nighstand. "You're sure, yeah?" he asked Matty, just to make sure they were on the same page with this. 

Matty just nodded. "I want to feel like we're trying to give Amaya a little brother or sister. Fuck, carrying your child is all I want." George closed his eyes and groaned. "Okay, yeah, we can do that." 

George took his time with Matty. Before he could make them one, Matty stopped him with a small touch on his arm. "I love you, George," he whispered, looking at George, who smiled hazily. "I love you, too, babe." 

Matty nodded softly before he lowered himself down, crying out in pain. The pain subsided eventually and Matty lost himself in the sensation, in being one with George, in the fantasy of becoming pregnant from this. 

He knew that maybe this wasn't right, but when George made love to him so softly, so carefully as if Matty could break, he decided just not to care. 

Not tonight, anyway. 


	13. mama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i updating so much, wow

When Matty woke the next morning, nothing was the way it used to be. He stretched and yawned, before he turned over to George, who was still sleeping. 

Neither of them were wearing anything, but Matty didn't mind. He wanted to live in this beautiful bubble for as long as he could. The sun illuminated George's pale skin, the tattoos being a stark contrast. 

Matty loved his tattoos, they were a part of his best friend. George's body was like a map and the tattoos were important places. He smiled to himself when he realized he had gotten to explore that map last night.

Matty sighed softly as he wrapped the blanket tighter around his waist. He let his eyes wander over George's strong body, the way the muscles rippled under his inked skin with every breath, muscles that had held Matty upright last night, as if it had been the most natural thing in the world. 

Finally feeling George in that way had been beautiful, something Matty would never forget, but there was also something bitter about it. 

Matty had poured his deepest secrets out to his best friend and George didn't seem to mind his fucked up mind at all. 

His wishes hadn't been George's wishes, but still, George had tried to fulfill them as much as he could. Matty couldn't help but feel like he had felt like he'd had to. 

He closed his eyes and found George's fingers right next to his face. He held them. They were so much warmer than his. 

After opening his eyes again, looking at George for a few more minutes, he got up, carefully, quietly, so he wouldn't wake George. He put on a new pair of boxers and some sweatpants, before he went to Amaya's nursery. The baby was also still sleeping. 

"Stay with us, please," Matty whispered and watched Amaya sleep. What he hadn't told George last night was that it wasn't just about forming a bond with the baby. It was also about being able to make sure that the child would stay. They were acting like they had already adopted Amaya, like she was officially their child, which she wasn't. 

The mother would eventually come around and get her and it would break them. Matty didn't know if their relationship had any substance without Amaya. The baby was like their link, the one thing finally uniting them. 

He bit his lower lip and tore himself away from Amaya's crib, tiptoeing downstairs to the kitchen to scribble a note for George. 

_ At my mum's  _

_ xx Matty _

was all he wrote, before he put on his jacket and shoes and took the car keys. 

"Matty, love," his mother greeted him at the front door. "Come in!" She gave him a big hug before letting him enter the house. Matty closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, before a touch of his mom's hand on his arm made him open them again. "Are you okay, Matthew? You didn't tell me you were coming around." 

Matty shrugged. "I'm sorry, mum, I didn't think. I just needed a safe place." Now his mother was on high alert. "What happened? Did you have a fight with George? Is something wrong with the baby?" Matty just shook his head. "No, no, mum, can we sit down for a moment? I need a woman's opinion on something." 

Denise nodded and took Matty's jacket from him. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead, I'l make us some tea." Matty gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks mum." 

He went to the living room and sat down on the sofa, where he draped a throw blanket around his shoulders and wrapped his arms around his knees. There was some weird TV show playing in front of him, but it didn't interest him. His mind kept wandering to last night, how George had slept with him for the first time since Matty had fallen in love with him at around fourteen years old. 

He hated himself for baring his soul to his best mate, his darkest secret after the heroin use. He knew that it wasn't that abnormal and that he had the right to feel what he felt, but he couldn't help but be afraid of George being disgusted by him eventually. 

Matty was weird, he didn't fit in any box society had to offer for a person like him. Still, George didn't seem to mind. But did he actually not mind or did he just act like it so Matty wouldn't go and self destruct again?

His hateful train of thought was interrupted by his mum, who set down two steaming cups of black tea and then sat down next to Matty. 

"You look sick, Matty. What has you so upset?" Matty sighed and buried his face in his hands. "It's stupid, honestly, mum." But Denise shook her head. "Nothing that you feel is stupid, Matthew, remember that. Your feelings are valid, okay?"

Matty reluctantly looked up again and nodded. "Okay," he whispered and stared at the cup in front of him. "So, what did you wanna talk about? You didn't come here to drink a cup of tea with your old mum, did you?" That actually got a laugh out of Matty. "Well… it's rather exaggerated, I guess, I think I'm overthinking this, but… Do you know any men that would like to… I don't know… be the one to expect the kid? Like in being pregnant, I mean?" 

Denise frowned. "No, not really. Pregnancy sucks for the most part, so does birth." Matty nodded. "Is it selfish to want to carry a child because you could be sure of it staying with you? Because it's yours? Because you have this strong bond that no one can break, like, ever?" His mother stared at him. "This is about Amaya, isn't it?" Matty gulped. "Not entirely." 

His mum sighed and took his hand. "Matty. There's nothing wrong with being curious, okay? If you'd like to know what it's like to carry a child, so be it. It's your life, it's your heart that longs for this experience and I get it. You adore Amaya and you're scared of the day she'll have to leave with her mum again, right? And you wish you could start a family of your own, but you can't, because… well. Because you like George." 

Matty was speechless for a moment. Then, he lowered his gaze. "Yeah," he just whispered, because his mum was once again right, reading him like a book. Then he started to cry. Denise gasped and wrapped her arms around him. "Matty, shh, that's nothing to cry about, love." Matty sobbed. "It is. Fuck, I slept with him last night," he cried into the blanket. The confession didn't faze his mother in the slightest. "Okay, and? Was he being weird this morning?" Matty shook his head as he wiped over his nose with his sleeve. "No," he croaked and Denise shrugged. "See? Everything's fine." 

But her son shook his head once more. "No, it's not, mum. I've told him about this whole pregnancy shit and now I feel like the biggest weirdo on earth, like how could I just dump that on him, like he's my therapist or some shit." Denise ran her fingers through Matty's curls as she spoke. "And? How did he react?" Matty shrugged. "He… he was so understanding about it all. He played along with my wish and… yeah. Then we ended up in bed together." 

His mum just sighed. She'd known George since he was a kid and he'd always been this friendly, gentle soul, who'd do anything for Matty. She knew what Matty was thinking. "But you think he just went along with it to please you?" Matty nodded and grabbed his cup of tea. "Yeah." 

They didn't say anything for a moment, both just sipping their tea. Matty felt weirdly empty, hollow even. Telling his mother about the chaos inside of his heart and mind had taken a big weight off of his shoulders. 

Denise set her cup down again. "Do you wanna hear what I think is going on inside of George?" she asked and Matty looked at her expectantly. "I think he feels the same. Not exactly, but I think living with you and having Amaya around affects him more than he lets on. He's always been a family person, and you guys are all turning thirty, it's not like it's early or anything to feel the need to start a family. But he adores you, Matty. He loves you more than anything, and I don't think he would trade you for any girl, no matter how fast she would be his wife and give him a child. He's stuck, just like you. He's never been good at taking reality as given, he's always needed an escape. Maybe he went along with it because it's a desire he also has: starting a family with you." Matty just looked at her. "You really think so?" 

Denise laughed. "Of course. Go home, Matty, talk to him. You guys have been tiptoeing around each other for way too long. Go make him yours." Matty smiled as hope started to bloom in his chest. "Yeah. Thanks mum. I love you." He got up and hugged her, before walking towards the door. 

Just as he was putting on his shoes, Louis came stomping down the stairs. "Hey mate, what are you doing here?" he asked Matty. But before Matty could answer, his mother piped up from the kitchen. "He's shagged George!" Matty's head whipped around again to face Louis, blushing like never before. Louis stared at him with both eyebrows raised. "Tell me that isn't true."

Matty shrugged apologetically. "Oops?" 

Then his little brother burst out laughing. "Mum!" he yelled. "You owe me fifty quid!" 


	14. heart out

George was woken up by baby cries. He had to collect himself for a moment, before he realized it was Amaya.  _ His daughter.  _

He shot out of the bed and sprinted to the nursery, already shushing the baby before he even grabbed her. He took her out of the crib and held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth. 

"It's okay, love, I'm here," he mumbled softly and made his way downstairs. "Are you hungry, huh?" he asked her and started to prepare her some formula with one hand. 

When he turned over to set the bottle down on the kitchen isle, a little piece of paper caught his attention. 

It was from Matty, saying he was at his mother's house. Then he realized the obvious. Matty hadn't been next to him this morning. He hadn't been where George had softly put him after making love to him. He swallowed, hard. Did Matty think of their night as a mistake? 

He felt anxiety bubble up in his chest and looked at Amaya, who was staring at him with her big, blue eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked the baby, who just kept looking at him, softly blinking. 

Had Matty just slept with him to fill the hole in his chest that had been left by the desire to have a child of his own? He had to put Amaya into her willow basket for a second. 

His breathing was laboured, shallow, he couldn't breathe. "No, please no," he whispered to no one in particular. Then he took his phone to call Ross. 

"Yeah who's a little baby bear, huh? You are, yes you are," Ross cooed over the baby carrier Amaya was lying in. She squeaked and giggled loudly as Ross was softly pinching her with his hands. George just shook his head and smiled. It was calming to be around his friends. 

Adam scoffed. "Ross, leave the poor kid alone." George signalled his refusal with a wave of his hand. "Let him be. He's obviously totally in love." Adam snickered and leaned back in his chair. "So, you're just gonna keep that baby, yeah?" George shrugged. 

He wanted to, desperately even. "I guess. Honestly, I find myself hoping the mother won't come back for her more often than not these days." Adam squeezed his upper arm. "And that's okay, mate. We all know that you and Matty have something special, Amaya is basically just the one thing that's been missing." 

George bit his lip. "Yeah, about that…"

Ross's head shot up at that. "What happened?" George looked around between his two friends who were staring at him with wide eyes. "I um… Yeah. We… we had sex last night," he spat it out in a rush. 

Adam gasped and went pale, Ross just raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, you fucked it mate, sorry, can't help you there." Adam snorted. "Fucked it." which earned him a punch in the guts from George. He yelped as he doubled over and held his stomach. 

"He left this morning. He didn't wake me up, he just left." Adam bit his lip. "You know what that means, George." Ross grinned. "That he's no good in bed?" 

Adam had to suppress a laugh, shooting Ross a mean look as best as he could. "Shut up, asshole." George buried his face in his hands. Yeah, maybe he wasn't the best option when it came to sex, but it hadn't seemed like Matty hadn't enjoyed it. 

"I wanted to say that something's wrong. Like when your one night stand leaves without waking you up you've either been shit or they don't want to see you again. Or both." 

George groaned. "First of all, he's not just been a one night stand, second of all, thanks very much, Adam, you prick, that doesn't necessarily make me feel any better." Ross sighed. "Well, mate, while I don't want to think about you fucking Matty up the arse, I don't think you're that shit. You can't be, that would honestly ruin the whole rockstar cliché. So something's gotta be up, because I don't think he left the fucking country and is gonna leave you for good. Just call him, you'll see." 

George worried his lip between his teeth. "I don't wanna come across as super desperate though. Like _oh I buried my dick in your ass last night, come let me be miserable inside your arse again_. Like what the fuck, Ross." Adam was full on laughing by now. 

Ross didn't think it was funny. "George, you stupid bitch, it doesn't have to come across like that! You said yourself that he's not just a one night stand. You know what he is? Your best friend. Your best friend disappeared this morning, sex aside, something's wrong. Call him for fuck's sake." He shook his head.

George sighed and looked at his baby. If something was wrong, he needed to sort it out. He pulled his phone from his pocket. Matty in a skirt on his lockscreen. 

He opened his phone and pressed down on Matty's number with fading confidence. He picked up after the third ring. Silence. "Matty?" George asked tentatively and heard his best friend sniffle. "Yeah?" his thin voice came through. "Are you okay?" 

"Where's Amaya, where are you?" Matty whispered, completely ignoring George's question. Then George realized Matty was at home, alone, looking for his family. 

"We're at Ross's place, Matty, it's okay. She's here. She's fine." Matty drew in a shaky breath. "Okay." His voice was still quiet. 

"Matty," George whispered softly and covered his other ear with his hand and left the room, away from his friend's curious gazes. "Are you okay?" 

Matty sniffled. "Yeah, yeah, god, I just… Yeah. I'll be there in ten, okay?" George sighed. "Okay. I love you." It took a moment, and Matty answered so quietly George wasn't even sure if his mind wasn't just playing tricks on him. "I love you, too."


	15. i think there's something you should know

The garage door opened with a soft creak that left the three friends quiet, staring at the hunched figure trying to slip into the makeshift rehearsal room for The 1975. 

"Hey," Matty breathed and closed the door again, making his way over to the fluffy armchairs his best mates were sitting comfortably in. "Hey," Adam and Ross gave back, but George stood up first and wrapped his arms around Matty's small body. 

"You okay?" he whispered into his ear and Matty nodded as best as he could in the tight embrace. "'m fine, Georgie, you can stop choking me to death." George let go of him reluctantly, carefully cupping his face right after. "You sure?" 

Matty nodded vehemently this time. "Yes, George, I'm okay. We can talk later," he whispered and softly pulled the hands from his cheeks. George just bit his lip and was left awkwardly wringing his hands. 

Meanwhile, Matty turned over to Amaya and cooed softly, taking her out of her baby carrier. The baby squeaked and reached for her dad, causing George's heart to stumble in his chest. 

"Ha, Ross," Adam laughed, "you've been replaced!" Ross pouted. "It's just because Matty has nicer hair, okay?" 

George snorted as he sat back down. "Sure, mate, whatever helps you sleep at night." Matty grinned at him, pressing Amaya to his chest. 

"What were you up to?" he asked and stalked over to George, where he demonstratively made himself comfortable on his lap, nestling his head into the crook of George's neck, dreamily watching Amaya take in her surroundings with big eyes in his arms. 

Adam opened his mouth, but closed it the same second, after George shot him a deathly glare. "Just talking 'bout the album. Think we gotta postpone the whole thing, with the baby and stuff," Ross suggested. 

He wasn't going to throw his best mate under the bus. His secrets were safe with him. 

Matty raised his eyebrows. "Stuff?" Ross shrugged. "Yeah. Stuff. None of your business." 

Matty frowned, looking at Adam for help. "Is he shagging someone new?" Adam just snorted. "Nah, he wants to steal your kid, 's all." 

Matty smiled at Amaya and then beamed at George. "Well, she's ours, isn't she?" George smiled back affectionately, before he brushed a few curls out of Matty's face. "Yeah." 

Matty closed his eyes and let himself fall back into George. "Did you two work on something new when we haven't seen each other? Like, it's been a while," Ross tried to keep up a conversation. George shook his head. "Something small here and there, but nothing major. It's been a bit of a block and then Amaya came along and, yeah. The rest is history." 

Adam sighed. "We won't be finished with this thing until tour, I'm telling you." Ross grunted and hit him with his elbow. "Tour is next summer, we have like… three quarters of a year, Adam. Stop being such a fucking pessimist all the time." Matty cackled into George's neck. 

"Stop laughing, Healy, this isn't funny, you're the one writing after all, you should do exactly that." Matty shrugged. "If it doesn't come to me naturally, I don't write. You know me, Adam." 

Adam whined under his breath and ruffled his own hair. "Yeah, well. Stay positive, Adam," he mumbled to himself, before he got up. "Anyone fancy a cup of tea or something? I'll go make some." 

Ross jumped up as if he got stung by something. "Yeah, I'll come with. Let's make a whole shitload of tea. I'm in." 

George screamed internally, something along the lines of  _ don't leave me alone with him you pricks,  _ but tried to stay calm on the outside. 

As soon as the door to Ross's flat shut with a click, he pressed a kiss to Matty's head. "Mh?" he just mumbled into the mess of dark curls, trying to make Matty talk, tell him why he left after their shared night. 

Matty stayed silent. George started to softly push at him, so he got up and sat down in the chair opposite of George's. "What?" he then asked under his breath, looking up at George through his dark eyelashes. 

"You wanna tell me what all that was? This morning, I mean," George got straight to the point. 

He wanted to get this out of the way and this heavy weight off his chest. He was suffocating and every second, the pressure got worse. 

"Mh?" Matty just made, acting like he had no idea what George was talking about. "Matty," George started, trying to compose himself. "You know what I'm talking about." 

His friend still didn't answer. Instead, he kept staring at him, softly rocking Amaya in his arms, who was already fast asleep again. 

"Fuck, Matty, stop making things so complicated. I'm talking about you disappearing at some ungodly hour, even after… after…" He has to stop there to bite back a sob. 

"We had sex Matty, what's so wrong about that? I just don't get it. You wanted it, didn't you? So did I. So why do I wake up to an empty bed the morning after, the sheets already cold, your smell gone? Where did I go wrong, because it's killing me, Matty, I-" He got cut off by Matty, who surged forward as fast as he possibly could with a baby in his arms and pressed his lips to George's clumsily, trying his best not to trip and fall. 

George softly sighed into the kiss, melting against Matty's body, his hands travelling upwards to wrap his arms around Matty's neck. 

"Fuck, I love you," he mumbled between kisses and heard Matty giggle. "I love you too." 

When they broke apart, George couldn't tear his gaze from Matty's pink lips, glistening with both their spit, probably. Matty fell down onto his knees. 

"It was a panic reaction, and I'm so sorry about that, George. I just- I couldn't think. I needed my mum in that moment, I needed to talk to a woman, about… you know, all the shit I dumped on you. I felt like such a weirdo and… I felt dirty in a way. Not because you fucked me, but because I wasn't quite honest. I didn't lie to you, but I kept to myself that it's not just about the connection. It's about keeping the child, because it's yours, you know? Fuck, I don't want to lose Amaya, George. She's a part of our lives now, we're a family, aren't we?" 

George softly ran his fingers through Matty's hair, smiling at him and then at Amaya. "Of course we are. I'll fight until my last breath so she can stay with us. I promise, Matty. I promise." 

George wanted to say so much more, but suddenly, the door opened again and Ross and Adam came back with a whole tray for tea. 

They stood in the doorframe, looking a bit dumbfounded. "Are we interrupting something, or-?" Adam asked and Matty laughed in relief. "No, no, come in. I need some tea." 

He stood up and sat back down in his chair, giving Amaya's nose a little kiss. 

_ We'll talk about it at home _ , George mouthed towards him when his gaze caught his eyes and Matty nodded softly. 

He wasn't afraid to let go and fall anymore. George was there to catch him this time. 


	16. mine

Hanging with the guys had been amazing after not meeting up for a while. They had been catching up for hours, drinking tea and eating some cake Ross's mum had brought over, before they decided to go through some new ideas for the album.

Matty was tired now, yawning as George pushed their front door open for him and Amaya. George was about to say something, but Matty just held a finger in front of his lips and shook his head.

Amaya was fast asleep in his arms, her small chest rising and falling with every breath she took. George smiled at the warmth that bloomed in his chest, wrapping his arms around Matty's neck and pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I'll get her to bed, she'll wake up hungry soon, though," Matty whispered and freed himself of George's embrace. George nodded and let his best friend go.

 _Best friend_ , George thought. Was that label still accurate? He found himself swimming in the unknown territory of their relationship and it frightened him.

He wanted to be Matty's boyfriend, he did, but he didn't know if that was what Matty wanted. They would talk about it as soon as Matty would come downstairs and George felt panic rise in his chest.

He didn't know if he could deal with being rejected by Matty. He didn't know what to do if they agreed on forgetting about what had happened and going back to being best mates. He couldn't. He wouldn't be able to go through life pretending Matty was just a friend to him, pretending he was fine with it, pretending to be happy.

"Hey," Matty's soft murmur eventually pulled him out of his miserable thoughts. He came over to where George was sitting at the table and wrapped his arms around his neck from behind.

"A penny for your thoughts," he whispered and George closed his eyes, chuckling. "'s nothing, I just…" He sighed.

"We should probably talk about what happened, right?"

He felt Matty stiffen behind him. "Yeah…," he mumbled and let go of his friend. George felt weirdly sick when Matty sat down on the chair across from him and stared at him. What did he want him to say?

"I-," George started, but was immediately cut off by Matty, who simply blurted out: "I'm sorry." George closed his mouth and looked at him expectantly.

"I'm so sorry for leaving like that, I really am. I'm just afraid… I… yeah." George shook his head. "You think I'm not? Fuck Matty, this is a huge line we've crossed there. I don't think that we can still pretend like this is just a friendly thing between mates."

Matty nodded as he ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I pushed us past that line in a moment of despair. I completely lost control when I shouldn't have. Didn't consider your feelings for one second there. Dunno if you even wanted to fuck me."

There were tears in his eyes and George's heart clenched painfully in his chest. He sighed. "Course I did. Wouldn't have let you ride me if I didn't. It was unexpected, 's all."

Matty nodded softly and began to bite his nails, a habit of his that he used to share with George, but George had stopped a while ago. "Hey," George whispered softly and reached across the table to take Matty's hand from his mouth.

Matty began to cry at the touch. "This is all so fucked," he sobbed. George took his hands. "Shh, Matty, nothing's fucked. We're okay." But Matty was inconsolable. "I ruined fucking sixteen years of friendship for what? A desperate fuck because I was messed up in my head."

George gasped softly. Was that all it had meant to Matty? "Well, I don't think you've ruined anything, for starters, Matty. You just gave us a nudge in a different direction. And we don't have to repeat what happened." The next words tasted bitter on George's tongue as he spat them out. "If you don't want us to be together we can go back to being mates." 

"But Amaya-" 

"What about her? It doesn't matter to her if her dads fuck or not. She won't know and she won't care. She'll still get the love she needs and deserves. Just because we don't have that type of love for each other doesn't mean we're gonna be shit parents, mate."

Matty nodded as hiccups continued to terrorize his body. "It's not like I don't want you, George. I've wanted you since we were sixteen." George frowned. "I'm just so fucking terrified of what being with you might bring. It's foreign territory for me. It's like… I haven't been with a guy like, ever. Last night, first time. I don't know how the fuck to keep up a healthy relationship, either. The girls always leave."

George shook his head." That's not your fault, though. They don't know you like I do and they don't know what to do when you're not doing well. They're overwhelmed and they leave. I've been by your side for sixteen years now, Matty. Nothing will change except I get to kiss you and fuck you and call you my boyfriend."

Matty laughed softly at that. "Yeah. I guess you're right. Could've said that a bit prettier, but yeah."

George groaned. "Who cares? It comes down to that. I love you." Matty looked up at him. "I am deeply, madly in love with you - ever since we met."

Matty opened his mouth, but closed it again. He didn't know what to say. "It's okay if you don't feel the same way. If you'd rather have a friends with benefits situation going on, I can give you that," George managed to say in a rush.

But Matty shook his head. "No. I want you. Fully. Forever." A huge smile spread over George's face. "Yeah, alright. Good thing I want you, too."

Matty laughed freely at that, opening his arms for George. "C'mere," he giggled and George got up to walk over to him. He crouched down next to Matty's chair and looked up at him.

"I'm gonna kiss you now, is that okay?" he whispered and Matty nodded. "Course." He leaned down and George up, so their lips met halfway.

 _Finally_ , George thought. _Mine_. 


	17. sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate to write descriptive smut, enjoy this rare gem

They blindly stumbled through the hallway together in hopes of finding their bedroom, their lips not disconnecting once. 

When George pushed Matty through the door, he tripped and almost fell. "Easy there," George chuckled in the back of his throat and connected their lips again, feeling Matty melt under the contact. 

Matty's legs hit the bed frame and gave way underneath him, leaving him to collapse onto the sheets. "C'mere," he whispered to George, who was standing in front of him, staring at Matty's flushed face. 

George leaned down and kissed him once again, but Matty pulled back after a moment. "So… are you gonna fuck me again?" he whispered softly and George couldn't quite decipher the emotion in his voice. 

Was it impatience? Was it fear, hurt, lust? He didn't know. 

"If you want to," he eventually settled on, trying to make it about Matty once again. "No. It was my wish last night, I refuse to make this about me again, George," Matty protested as if he could read his boyfriend's mind. 

George just shrugged. "I don't want to sleep with you if you're still out of it after last night. How's your arse?" Matty raised his eyebrow before he was overcome by a wave of laughter. 

"Are you for real asking me about my ass?" he laughed, making George blush. "I'm sorry, it was your first time after all, I-" Matty stopped his rambling with a soft kiss. "My butt is fine, Georgie. It's a bit sore still, but it's not uncomfortable. Fuck me if you want," he whispered against his lips and George nodded. "Okay, yeah, okay." 

Matty just grinned as he watched George strip, definitely recognizing some anxiousness in his movements. "You good?" he asked therefore and frowned. George stopped with his hands grasping the waistband of his boxers. "Mh, yeah, why? Something wrong?" Matty shook his head. "No, no, it's okay." 

George pouted. "You're wearing remarkably much, Matty." He smiled as he came back to Matty and kissed him before he helped him get rid of his clothes. 

When Matty was fully naked, he grabbed George's boxers and pushed them off. 

As their bodies touched, he gasped and arched off the bed." George," he whined high in his throat. "Fuck, Matty, you feel so good," George breathed into the crook of his neck, grinding down on him in a slow motion. 

Matty moaned softly over and over again, wrapping his arms around George's shoulders, holding on for dear life. 

"Do you mind if it's soft and slow this time? Last night was so frantic I- yeah," George mumbled against his lips and Matty nodded. "Not at all. I'd love that." George sighed into his open mouth. "Okay." 

He slicked up his fingers thoroughly before he carefully switched their positions, causing Matty to frown down at him. 

"Just… lay down, will you? Flush against my body, can you… can you do that? Just relax. I'll make it feel good I promise," George explained quietly and Matty nodded, allowing himself to rest all his weight on George, sighing softly when he felt his warm skin on his own. 

He lazily wrapped his arms around George's neck and rested his head on George's broad chest, closing his eyes. A moment later, he felt a cold finger at his rim, gasping wetly against George's neck. 

"Shh," George breathed and grabbed a handful of Matty's curls to keep him down. "It's okay. I got you." 

Matty whimpered as George was continuously touching him. "George," he whispered softly and started to move against George's body. "Please." 

George groaned and slipped his finger inside, making Matty moan loudly, lifting his head and baring his throat to George, who immediately latched onto the skin there and messily sucked a hickey just below his jaw. 

"Another, George, another," Matty begged as he fucked himself slowly on George's finger. George groaned and lined another finger up, before a loud cry destroyed his plan. He flinched, but his finger got caught inside Matty, making him wail in pain. 

"Fuck, sorry," George panted and softly pulled his finger out in one go on the second try. 

When they realized where the cry was coming from, they both had to laugh. "Your fucking daughter is such a cockblock," George whined and Matty slapped his bicep. 

"She's also your kid, go and look what she wants, idiot," he laughed and shoved George off him. His friend just groaned and rolled onto his back. "Fucking hell." 

Matty giggled and looked at George, who got up clumsily and put on his discarded boxers from the floor, before he left the room and shortly after the crying stopped. 

Matty was lying on his back, trying to control his breathing. A soft knock pulled him out of his blank mind. "You decent?" George's soft voice came from the hallway and Matty scrambled out of bed to find his underwear. "In a second," he said back and sighed in relief when he found what he was looking for. 

"Come in," he called and slipped back under the covers. A big smile formed on his face when he saw Amaya in George's strong arms. "Hey, love, what's wrong, huh?" he cooed and reached for her when George joined him in bed. 

Amaya looked at Matty with her big eyes when he held her and nudged her nose with his index finger. "You ruined a night of wonderful sex for me, you little beast," he mumbled and George snorted. "Cockblock, I said it." 

Matty laughed freely and shook his head. "You're an idiot, George." His friend just shrugged. "You love me, though." Matty smiled fondly at him. "Yeah, I do."


	18. collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> DEATH  
> SUICIDE  
> DRUG ABUSE  
> OVERDOSE

Matty was woken up by the smell of freshly brewed coffee the next morning. With a start he realized that George wasn't there and he sat up in a rush, leaving him dizzy. 

It was like a bad déja vu, like yesterday morning, but with the roles reversed. He gripped the sheets and gasped for air, before he heard George's laugh from the kitchen and a happy squeal from Amaya filled the flat. 

He sighed in relief. Everything was fine. George was there, so was their baby. 

He got up hastily to throw on a shirt George had lying around in the room, one that smelled fairly decent, before he went downstairs. 

George was sitting at the table, sipping coffee from his favorite mug and reading a newspaper, whilst nudging Amaya's baby bouncer repeatedly, making the baby giggle with excitement. 

Matty had to stop and stare for a moment. 

He couldn't believe that this was his life now. All he had ever wanted, united in his kitchen. Well, maybe they would get a dog in the future, but that was besides the point. 

He took another step, the floorboards creaking in response and George looked up at him. "Mornin'", he greeted him and welcomed him with a soft kiss. 

God, how lucky Matty was to finally be able to kiss his best friend without second guessing himself. "Good morning," Matty mumbled and ruffled George's hair, before he crouched down and pressed a kiss to Amaya's forehead. She was warm and soft and smelled so much like the unique baby scent it felt surreal. 

"Good morning to my little princess, too, you slept well?" She closed her eyes and a small smile was forming on her round face. George sighed. "Awake three times. Was fine though, just hungry." 

Matty nodded and stood up with a groan. "Jesus, I'm getting old," he complained as his joints cracked and George snorted. "You're not alone, mate." 

Matty grinned as he made himself a cup of tea. "Thanks for taking care of her tonight," he told George over his shoulder, but his boyfriend didn't reply. 

Lost in thought he didn't hear George's gasp. He only flinched when the mug shattered on the ground. He whipped around, already screaming. "George, what the fuck, that was unique, we-" 

The sentence died in his throat when he saw George's face. He was pale as a ghost and his chest was heaving in a doomed attempt to get some air into his lungs. 

"Georgie?" Matty asked tentatively and came over to George, cupping his face carefully. "Hey, what's wrong?" 

George looked at him with his eyes wide open, panic flickering right behind them. "George, come on. What's wrong?" Matty started to panic himself now, seeing George so upset made him anxious. 

"Matty, she's-" George started but trailed off. "She's what? Who, George?" Matty whimpered and shook George a bit. Then, he grabbed the newspaper. "What?" 

George sighed. "Amaya's mum. She's dead." Matty frowned and searched for the article, until his eyes got caught on the picture of a young woman in the bottom right corner. She was beautiful. 

_ She was dead _ . 

"What?" he asked shakily and George buried his face in his hands. "She's dead. She overdosed on heroin." 

Matty's heart dropped. 

_ Heroin.  _

The fucking powder that almost took his life, too. 

He felt George's pain and he knew what he was thinking without having to ask.  _ That could've been me if not for him,  _ he thought and wrapped his arms around George. "I'm right here, babe. I'm done with that, I promise. We're okay." 

George was full on sobbing by now, grabbing Matty's arm with both his trembling hands. "I just-", he hiccuped. "Why does this godforsaken drug keep coming back into my life? I want it gone, I can't take it, I really can't. It's like fire, it burns everything down it can reach, and fuck, does it reach far. It's so much worse than that." 

Matty sighed. "I know, I know." 

He did. He'd broken George with his addiction, he knew that. But George had been there, George had saved him. He didn't know much himself, he had almost no recollection of that night. 

Ross had told him, though. He'd slapped it right into his face, right at his hospital bed. Ross had been crying and Ross never cried.  _ "Do you have any idea what you did to George?"  _ he had asked. Matty hadn't responded. " _ He's totally out of it, he doesn't fucking talk, Matty, it's like he's fucking dead."  _

_ As dead as I should've been,  _ Matty had thought back then, tears streaming down his face. He hadn't planned on George finding him. 

_ "He fucking found you convulsing on the bathroom floor. You were struggling for air, choking on your own sick, goddamnit. Your heart stopped beating for a moment. You were dead Matty, fucking dead. He broke a few ribs trying to bring you back. I wish they wouldn't give you the fucking pain meds so you could feel the pain. You can't feel shit right now and it's unfair. He's ripped to shreds inside, Matty. And it's all your fault."  _

Ross had apologized for the things he'd said back then a while ago, but it wasn't like he had been wrong. 

Matty knew that George felt bad for not being there to save Amaya's mother. He wasn't there to keep pumping blood through collapsed veins, he wasn't there to press his lips against blue ones to push air into lungs that had stopped working. 

He couldn't save the mother of his child and even though they didn't know her, it ate away at him. 

"You didn't know, George. We didn't know her, she didn't want the help she- she needed help with her child. She needed to know her child was safe. And Amaya is safe with us. You helped as much as you could. There was nothing else you could've done, George. You can't save everyone." 

George nodded, struggling to keep his sobs at bay. "It's her mum, though. Her mother." Matty nodded. "I know. I know it's cruel. But now she has two dads who love her unconditionally. It's gonna be fine." 

Amaya looked up at them from her baby bouncer, a little crease forming on her forehead that made it look like she was frowning. 

"It's okay, nugget. It's gonna be okay."


	19. i couldn't be more in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some fluffy stuff for u lol

Matty softly took the cup of tea out of George's vice-like grip. It was cold already.

"Oh Georgie, mh?" he whispered after putting the cup away and hugged him carefully. George just sniffled and leaned into him. "I love you, Matty," he mumbled quietly and Matty pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"I know. I love you, too." Then, he sighed softly. "I don't think you want to go to the family barbecue today, huh? I can go alone, or I can stay with you if you don't wanna be alone…"

He was cut off by George's lips searching for his and gasped softly into the kiss. "It's okay, I'll come with, totally forgot," he mumbled.

Matty nodded and tenderly ruffled his hair. "We can leave if you get overwhelmed, though. Just tell me, yeah?" George nodded slowly. "Okay."

They just sat there for a while, Matty rubbing soothing circles on George's back and George breathing heavily through his clogged throat.

"I think I should probably go hop under the shower… when do we have to be there?"

Matty let his hand drop. "Around one? Don't worry, though, I don't think mum will mind if we come round a little later."

George nodded and wiped over his face with his right hand. "Alright." He made a move to stand up, but Matty stopped him. "You need help?" he asked sheepishly, looking up at George through his eyelashes.

"I'm sorry, Matty, but sex is probably the last thing I want right now," George told him and got up from the sofa. "That's not what I meant," Matty protested and got up as well. "I meant proper help."

George looked at him, sighed, then nodded. "Yeah, alright, come on. You should probably put Amaya's bouncer in the doorframe, though, in case something happens." Matty smiled softly and went to get Amaya, being greeted by a naked George in the bathroom afterwards.

"Wow," he breathed out and eyed his boyfriend up and down. "I'll never get tired of this view I think." George snorted and stepped into the shower. "Shut the fuck up and come here."

Matty laughed and stripped bare in record time, joining George under the warm spray of their shower. He wrapped his arms around George's neck, looking up at him with their bodies pressed together.

"You're so beautiful and I love you," he mumbled and George rolled his eyes, unable to hide the smile on his face. "You're exaggerating."

But Matty shook his head. "I'm not. So beautiful yet so unaware of it." George snorted and cupped Matty's face with his large hands. "I love you, too. But let's get this shower over with."

Matty nodded, but didn't move until he felt George's lips against his briefly.

Trying to work the shampoo into George's hair, he had to get on his tiptoes, his body stretched to the limit. "You're too fucking tall, George, for fuck's sake."

George just laughed and crouched down a little. "Better?" he asked and Matty relaxed. "Much better. Won't strain anything like that." George just snorted indignantly and let Matty wash his hair.

"All done," he heard his voice after he'd rinsed it out and let George return the favor. He couldn't stop himself from leaning into him, seemingly unable to go ten seconds without feeling an inch of George's skin.

"You're clingy today, babe," George whispered as he rinsed the foam out of Matty's tangled curls. "Mh," Matty just mumbled in response.

The situation they found themselves in was so intimate without being sexual in any way, it left Matty at a loss of words. George's wet skin under his fingertips, his breath at his ear - Matty was trembling with it.

"I love you, Georgie," he caught himself whispering, pressing a kiss to George's collarbone.

 _Broken,_ was written there in ink, permanently for everyone to see. Sometimes, Matty thought, George hadn't just gotten the two tattoos to refer to his collarbones being broken, but as a cry for help as well. _I'm broken, too._

"I love you, too, Matty, okay?" Matty nodded. "Body wash," he mumbled and got a handful of the fancy natural mousse they bought on the last tour somewhere in Europe, starting to massage it into George's tender skin. He took his time making sure he had touched every inch of George's body, before quickly washing himself as well.

"All done," he then said and grinned up at George, who hoisted him onto his hips in a swift motion. Matty giggled into a small shared kiss, wrapping his legs around George, his hands in his dripping hair.

George set him down on the edge of their bathroom sink, taking all of him in for the first time that morning. "I really don't appreciate your body enough," he mumbled and bit his lip, making Matty blush under his gaze.

"You fucked me, guess that counts."

George laughed softly and pulled him in again. As he nibbled on Matty's ear, he sighed. "Wanna suck you off sometime." Matty gasped, whining low in his throat. "George, don't say shit like that!"

George just laughed and gave him another kiss. "Let's get dressed. It's getting cold." Matty groaned in response, but slipped from the basin.

Whilst George was pretty fast with his choice of the outfit, Matty stood in front of the closet in just his boxershorts for way too long. "Are you gonna, I dunno, choose something, soon?" he heard George's voice behind him after what felt like an eternity and caused him to whip around.

"Yeah, um, I just- I don't really know what to wear." George nodded. He understood. "Left side or right side today?" he asked, taking a few steps so he was standing next to Matty. Matty shrugged.

They had organised his part of the closet like that a while ago when he opened up to George about liking to wear skirts and dresses and blouses and sometimes even lacy bralettes.

George hadn't asked any questions, but had gone upstairs and changed the system of their wardrobe. Matty could still cry when he thought about it. George had been so gentle and understanding, it made his heart ache.

"I don't know if I want to meet my mum with something from the left side after telling her about the pregnancy stuff." His best friend nodded. "You'll have to decide that for you, then."

Matty sighed. He looked at the clothes made for men on the right, but nothing looked all too appealing to him. On the left, there was one dress that he had been wanting to wear for a while now, so he bit his lip and turned to George. "Can you pack some stuff for Amaya? I'll meet you downstairs?"

George just picked their baby up from the doorframe and gave Matty a quick kiss. "Sure. See you." Matty smiled softly and watched his two favorite people leave.

Then, he turned around and pulled the pastel yellow dress from the rack. After he was dressed and his curls were relatively tamed, he decided to put on some makeup, just a little bit.

He almost poked his eyes out with the mascara wand and ate about what felt like a pound of lipgloss, but when he looked into the mirror after putting away the little makeup bag, he was satisfied with the face staring back at him.

Downstairs, he found George singing and dancing to some song on the radio with Amaya in his arms. "I'm ready to go," Matty piped up behind him and made George whip around. "Oh wow," slipped out of his mouth, faster than his brain could catch up.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Matty quipped after George's stare became unbearable. George laughed. "Oh, I will." He took his phone from his back pocket, but Matty made a face.

"Nah, G, that was a joke!"

But George was being serious. "No, come on, please. I won't send it to anyone, it's just for me."

He loved that pastel yellow dress with the orange petals on it and the way it only covered Matty's legs to his knees.

Matty gave in with a sigh. "Okay." He posed and smiled for George, who snapped a picture and couldn't stop grinning. "God, you're so beautiful." Matty smiled. 

_So beautiful, yet so unaware of it._


	20. by your side

"Matty, love, you look stunning!" his mother's voice rang through the garden. George nudged him with his elbow, grinning like the proud boyfriend he was. Matty did look gorgeous today, no doubt.

George had Amaya in her baby carrier and a bottle of wine in the other hand as a little present for Denise, who has been throwing this party every single time.

He loved Matty's family's barbecues ever since they had moved in together years ago. It was a set tradition by now.

"George, come here," Denise's voice was suddenly right in front of him and he got pulled into an awkward hug due to having his hands full. He grunted softly, before he held the wine out to her.

"There you go," he said, before he leaned in a bit. "Stole it from Matty's collection, don't tell him." Denise laughed and shook her head at him. "Typically George. Come on, let's sit down."

Matty was already wrapping his arms around his little brother who sat at the table next to his dad. "The dress is cute, Matty," Louis said and touched the skirt. "The color looks good on you."

Matty beamed. "Cheers, mate." He gave his dad a quick hug, before he sat down next to his mum.

George went through the obligatory hug round as well, before he flopped down next to Matty and took Amaya out of the carrier. "You hungry, too, nugget?"

Amaya squealed softly and Matty leaned against George, looking at the baby in his arms. "My sweet little baby," he mumbled and George pressed a kiss to his head. "Yeah."

They looked up when Tim cleared his throat, looking confused. "So, that's the famous baby, huh?" Matty nodded proudly. "Yep. Amaya."

Denise poured some of the red wine for each of them. "She's gonna leave them soon again, though. She's the baby of a friend."

Matty's heart dropped at her mother's light tone and felt George stiffen next to him. "Uh…" Denise looked at him inquiringly, stopping her movements. "What's wrong?"

Matty bit his lip as tears came to his eyes. "Um…" He couldn't for the life of him build a sentence. "She's dead," George mumbled for him, "we weren't fully honest with you, Denise."

Louis bit his lip. "Fuck. So what are you going to do now?"

Matty couldn't hold back the tears anymore and buried his face in the crook of George's neck as he sobbed.

Denise set down the bottle and hurried over to her crying son, kneeling down next to him and pushing a few curls out of his face. "Talk to me, Matty, what happened?"

Matty looked at his mom, hiccups wrecking his whole body as he opened his mouth. "She's dead. Fucking heroin. She's dead."

Denise stared at George in shock. "She wasn't a friend. She left Amaya on our doorstep one night and we couldn't bear to give her away, so we ended up keeping her. There was an article in today's newspaper about her death. They found her. Overdose on heroin, they want to find the dealer. It's- we're just scared someone will find out and take Amaya from us. Think we would have to go to jail for that, too, right? You can't just keep a baby that isn't yours."

Tim sighed into his hands, shaking his head over and over again. "Tell me that's not true," Denise pleads, squeezing Matty's arm. "Tell me you didn't do that."

George shook his head apologetically. "We know it was dumb, but we just couldn't. We're fucked now. There's no going back."

Louis piped up from his spot next to his father. "Mum, doesn't Lee work at town hall? She's the one responsible for the adoptions, isn't she?" Denise stared at her youngest, slowly shaking her head as it dawned to her what he was on about. "Louis…"

But Louis was on a roll now. "Mum. Please. Lee owes you big time, isn't this something that she could do for you?" Denise looked at Matty, his puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks, George's worried frown and the small baby in his arms.

Matty returned Denise's look and sighed softly. "I'm begging you, mum. Please. If this could work I need you to try at least."

Denise sighed. "Okay. Yeah, alright. She really does owe me a big favor. It'll be fine, okay? Let me handle that. And now let's eat, yeah?"

She got up with a grunt and Matty threw himself into her arms. "Thanks mum, thank you so much you don't even know what that means to us!" Denise smiled. "I can't promise anything, though."

George shook his head. "That's enough. We just need you to try. Thank you, Denise, really." Denise nodded and sat down. "You heard that?" Matty asked George, smiling brightly at him, the tears in his eyes subsiding. "She's going to be ours officially, on a piece of paper, George!"

George chuckled quietly. "Yeah. Finally."

Matty laughed freely and pulled George in for an affectionate kiss. "Oh my God, mum!" Louis yelled, jumping up from his chair. Denise stared at him. "Ha!" she then said, pointing at him. "Now you owe me fifty quid! Give me the money back, Louis!"

Tim just shook his head as Louis left the garden with a pout. "You're together now?" he asked Matty and George with a smile. Matty smiled up at George and then nodded at his dad. "Yeah. Hope you don't mind?"

Tim shook his head. "Of course not, loves, took you two long enough. You're good for each other." Matty nodded.

"Yeah. We really are, huh?" 


End file.
